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Trần Công Thắng Posted 9 years ago
Grammar

Please review and give me score for my Ielts essay.

Subject: Scientist and Tourist travel to remote natural environments, such as South Pole. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Discovering isolated areas is remained as a source of major controversy. In my opinion, I uphold the standpoint that this trend has more disadvantages than the advantages.

On the one hand, there is an undeniable truth that it is beneficial for scientists as well as tourists to take expedition to remote natural zones. In term of science, since scientists discover an unexplored place, they can grasp a more profound knowledge into this new obscure area in the earth. As a result, their data collection would create favorable conditions for their science-related projects with a view to protecting the earth from environmental problem, such as ice melting or erosion. From tourists’ perspective, no sooner do travelers visit a new uncommon destination than they could get new valuable experiences. For example, tourist can contemplate a vast breath-taking landscape in South Pole such as aurora phenomenon, which is impossible to be seen in other places.

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that exploring remote natural environments is more detrimental than its benefits. First, it is dangerous for travelers’ life to take expedition to these places due to the lack of knowledge and specific equipment. To be more details, some threats such as danger wild animals, unknown naturals disasters could be hazardous to the survival of scientist and tourists. Second, the disappearance of unique specifies in these regions could be inevitable in the light of large-scale exploiting operation. To be more specific, some rare wild animals such as red wolf, golden tiger or polar bear would be confronted with the extinction, if people evade habitats of these animals and chase them for own purpose.

In conclusion, although it is accepted that traveling to remote natural areas are beneficial for tourist and scientists for some reasons, I would support the view that the disadvantages caused by this issued outweigh the advantages.

  

Top answer

I have highlighted the parts of your text that are unnatural or have errors. Discovering isolated areas is remained as a source of major controversy. (I don't understand what the controversy is.

  • I have highlighted the parts of your text that are unnatural or have errors.
  • Discovering isolated areas is remained as a source of major controversy.
  • (I don't understand what the controversy is.
  • ) In my opinion, I uphold the standpoint that this trend (What trend?
  • ) has more disadvantages than the advantages.
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I have highlighted the parts of your text that are unnatural or have errors.


Discovering isolated areas is remained as a source of major controversy. (I don't understand what the controversy is. Your sentence is not clear.) In my opinion, I uphold the standpoint that this trend (What trend? You have not mentioned any trend.)

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