Please review and comment on my essay. Give me estimated band if it is possible.Thank you a lots.

Writing task 2:

Topic: a lot of children spend too much time watching TV or playing video games. How do u think this problem influences the children, the family and the society. What measures should be taken to solve it?

Nowadays more and more children invest the majority of their time to sit in front of TV screens or to play computer games. Although spending too much time watching TV or playing video games has bad impacts on children, families and society, i believe that, some action can be applied to tackle this problem.

There is no doubt that a huge amount of time will be wasted on TV or computer games. As the result of this, children hardly have time for other activities such as studying which is the most important duty at that age or outdoor activities. This may lead to plenty of problems of mental and physical health such as brain damage, eyestrain, obesity… It also should should be borne in mind that violent trend in teenagers is mainly stem from the violent programs on TV or video games. And the rate of juvenile delinquent is increasing every day.

With the efforts to solve the problems what have been discussed above, some effective measures should be taken at the same time. First of all, children have to educated about the drawbacks of spending too much time on TV programs or video stations which hopefully can change children's mindset. Meanwhile parents could also limit the time allowing children to watch TV or play computer games. Furthermore, solution can come from school's efforts. For example, schools could hold more outdoor activities such as sport competitions to attract their students focus more on physical practice.

In summary, it is important to aware of the the harmful influences of letting children spending too much time on TV or video games. And at the same time parents and schools should cooperate to control those influences.