Please review and comment on my essay.

Question

The diagrams below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for changes to the school site in 2024.

The picture illustrate some proposed changes to the site of the school over the 20 year period.

It is clear that the principal change in the school site will be the significant number of students attending to school. Furthermore, educational systems will tend to be paid attention regard to many shifts in surroundings.

As can be seen from the maps, in the past, there was a path stretched from west to east between two school buildings. Next to 20 years later, another road will be constructed to cover school surroundings and to extend more space for car parking. In addition to that, the path will be restricted in size for connecting building 1 and building 2.

The second remarkable change is that sports field will be demolished with the replacement of third school building. On an other hand, more trees will be planted both in school surrounding and land areas. In land spaces, Sports field will be reconstructed in smaller shape compared with the one in past. Additionally, Car park, road, main entrance to the west of school site still remain.

P/s : Can you recommend some useful phrases to describe that type of writing task 1?

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The picture (There are two of them.) illustrate some proposed changes to the site of the school over the 20 year period (You need to add the start and end dates of the period.)

~~It is clear that t~~The principal change in the school site will be the significant number of students (That is not a change to the site. The 66% increase in the number of students is the reason why changes are necessary.) attending the to school. Furthermore, educational systems will tend to be paid attention regard to many shifts in surroundings.(That is not good English. The verb form is incorrect. I don't know what you mean.)

As can be seen from the maps, in the past, there was a path that stretched from west to east between the two school buildings. Next to 20 years later, another road will be constructed to cover school surroundings and to extend more space for car parking. In addition to that, the path will be restricted in size for connecting building 1 and building 2.

The second ~~remarkable~~ change is that the sports field will be moved to the south ~~demolished with the replacement of~~ and a third school building will be erected on that site. ~~On an other hand,~~ (wrong transition phrase. The two phrases: 1) on the one hand; 2) on the other hand; show opposite ideas.

For example:

Topic: Small schools are better than large schools. Do you agree?

On the one hand, a small school is better because a student can get to know all the teachers and their classmates. On the other hand, a large school can offer more facilities and activities for the students.)

more trees will be planted around the school. ~~both in school surrounding and land areas.~~ ~~In land spaces,~~ The sports field will be reconstructed in a smaller size ~~shape~~ compared with the one in past. Additionally, The car park, road, and main entrance to the west of school ~~site~~ still remain.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

quockhanh tranP/s : Can you recommend some useful phrases to describe that type of writing task 1?

This model essay is longer than required by about 50 words. But it will give you some ideas on how to write a Task 1 essay where you compare and contrast two different maps.

The two maps / plats / diagrams / figures / site plans (Any of those synonyms can be used.) show the planned changes to a school complex from 2004 to 2024. The facilities need to be enlarged due to an anticipated / projected / forecast / expected (Any of those synonyms can be used.) increase in the number of students that the schools serves, rising from 600 to 1000.

The most significant changes are on the east side of the campus. A third school building and second car park will be constructed. But many things will not change, in particular, the size of the grounds, the main entrance, the original car park and the main road leading to the school.

In detail, the two old school buildings will be connected by a covered hall or walkway, and the path from the main entrance to the old sports field will now lead from this walkway to the new building. This new building will be built on the site of the old sports field. A new road from the main entrance will give access to a second car park on the east side of the new building. Since the old sports field will be used as the new building construction site, the facility will be moved to the south east corner of the campus.

Please review and comment on my essay.

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