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MIG Posted 13 years ago
Grammar
please read my writing.
Hi , please read my short writing.i am trying to improve my grammar skills with writing short stories and i need someone to help me.
please tell me your opinion about its grammar or even story itself.Thank you.
Looking toward horizon.a scene painted with light blue and adorned with unripe stars while anxious wind is looking for its(or a) gone among sleepy canebrake and where a man disregard to this eternal current is digging inside himself to see what has remained.but he felt empty.the anxious wind left canebrake and came to the man and blew through him.the wind failed and left as it came.
"nothing is left" he gathered.
Thanks for your attention
please tell me your opinion about its grammar or even story itself.Thank you.
Looking toward horizon.a scene painted with light blue and adorned with unripe stars while anxious wind is looking for its(or a) gone among sleepy canebrake and where a man disregard to this eternal current is digging inside himself to see what has remained.but he felt empty.the anxious wind left canebrake and came to the man and blew through him.the wind failed and left as it came.
"nothing is left" he gathered.
Thanks for your attention
Top answer
To tell you the truth, I wouldn't change a word. You probably would, though. Let's see: Looking toward the horizon, a scene painted with light blue and adorned with unripe stars , while an anxious wind is looking for its way through a sleepy canebrake and where a man oblivious to this eternal current is digging inside himself to see what has remained , but he felt empty.
- To tell you the truth, I wouldn't change a word.
- You probably would, though.
- Let's see: Looking toward the horizon, a scene painted with light blue and adorned with unripe stars , while an anxious wind is looking for its way through a sleepy canebrake and where a man oblivious to this eternal current is digging inside himself to see what has remained , but he felt empty.
- T he anxious wind left the canebrake and came to the man and blew through him.
- The wind failed and left as it came.
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4 Answers
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To tell you the truth, I wouldn't change a word. You probably would, though. Let's see:
Looking toward the horizon, a scene painted with light blue and adorned with unripe stars, while an anxious wind is looking for its way
Looking toward the horizon, a scene painted with light blue and adorned with unripe stars, while an anxious wind is looking for its way
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HI enoon.
Thank you and thank you and thank you again.for your helpful comment.
actually i was expecting for a harsh comment.
please forgive me i want to bother you with two more question.
1-why you prefer "oblivious to" instead of "disregard to"?
2-"way through" is great but what is wrong with "looking for its gone" ? I want to say that the wind has lost s
Thank you and thank you and thank you again.for your helpful comment.
actually i was expecting for a harsh comment.
please forgive me i want to bother you with two more question.
1-why you prefer "oblivious to" instead of "disregard to"?
2-"way through" is great but what is wrong with "looking for its gone" ? I want to say that the wind has lost s
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1. A person cannot be disregard to anything. It's just not English. I changed it to what I thought you meant.
2. I wasn't sure what you meant. I guessed wrong. "Looking for its gone" is indecipherable even granting poetic license. How about "while an anxious wind is looking for what was lost in a sleepy canebrake".
2. I wasn't sure what you meant. I guessed wrong. "Looking for its gone" is indecipherable even granting poetic license. How about "while an anxious wind is looking for what was lost in a sleepy canebrake".
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i think this one is better.
2. I wasn't sure what you meant. I guessed wrong. "Looking for its gone" is indecipherable even granting poetic license. How about "while an anxious wind is looking for what was lost in a sleepy canebrake".
thank you enoon.
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