Please read my IELTS essay

Question

The chart illustrates the ratios of divorce to marriage rate in 2 countries in Northern Europe are Finland and Sweden over the past 5 years.

One prominent feature that can be seen from the chart is that the same pattern is the percentage of marriage couple break-up in Sweden was higher than it's in Finland from 2011 to 2014. However, this trend changed promptly in 2015, over 40 percent of Finns divorced, while just approximately 37 percent of Swedes experienced the same thing. This information might reflect the happiness index of these periods in two countries

The proportion of husband and wife decide not to live together any more in Sweden reached the peak in 2012 with about 50 percent, on the contrary, at the same time, the figure of divorce rate in Finland met trough at over 32 percent. The data for the rest of compared years is relatively stable.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You did not include the essay instructions. It is difficult to give good feedback if we do not know the instructions.

I think these are the instructions, and will use this as a basis for feedback. It it is wrong, then the feedback will not be accurate.

The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European countries from 2011 to 2015.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

This bar chart has a major problem.

If you look up the actual statistics, you see what it is. The United Nations collects marriage and divorce data for the world. This chart provides the crude divorce rate (number of divorces per 1000 population) for European countries in 2011. The line graph shows the divorce rate and number of divorces for Sweden in the same time period as the IELTS bar chart.

The data in the IELTS bar chart is completely ridiculous. It is more than an order of magnitude greater than reality. - there is no way on earth that half of the people would get a divorce every year.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The chart (What kind of chart is it? ) illustrates (poor word choice. Read my advice.) the ratios of divorce to marriage rate (incorrect, according to the instructions. ) in 2 I(write small numbers in words if they are not data values) countries in Northern Europe are Finland and Sweden (ungrammatical English. Invalid clause structure) over the past 5 years. (Incorrect. You must give the accurate years from the figure.)

~~One prominent feature that can be seen from the chart is that~~ (Wordy. These words are unnecessary and exessive. Just describe the data.) the same pattern is the percentage of marriage couple break-up (The statistic that is in the plot is "divorce rate". Do not use any synonyms.) in Sweden was higher than it's (Do not use contractions.) in Finland from 2011 to 2014. However, this trend changed promptly (Not a good description. ) in 2015, over 40 percent of Finns divorced, (Do you really believe that is true?) while just approximately 37 percent of Swedes experienced the same thing. ~~This information might reflect the happiness index of these periods in two countries~~

Never draw any conclusions or write any ideas about the reasons for the data. Just describe the information.)

The proportion of husband and wife decide not to live together any more in Sweden (ungrammatical This is poor English. Do not use these kinds of synonyms. It is the "divorce rate") reached the peak in 2012 with about 50 percent, on the contrary, at the same time, the ~~figure of~~ divorce rate in Finland met trough (not good) at over 32 percent. (40% is over 32, and so is 45%. You must be precise.) The data for the rest of the period. ~~compared years~~ is relatively stable.

Please post a reply with the instructions - They might explain why the values plotted are 30-50% instead of the actual values of 2-4.

If the instructions are what I posted earlier, then throw this task into the waste bin, because the data is fake.

Please read my IELTS essay

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