Please provide valuable comments and suggestions on my motivation letter

Here is one motivation letter I sent to a company in Switzerland. Unfortunately I failed at last. I thought there should be some critical problems in my motivation letter. Please give me some critics. Thank you very much.

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Dear Hiring Manager,

I am an undergraduate from Beijing Jiaotong University in Mainland of China writing in response to the position you posted recently as being open with your company.

I am fully motivated in working in your company in Switzerland. Firstly, Switzerland is a country I have been longing for a long time. Switzerland lies at the intersection of three great European cultures. It is a peaceful country with cultural diversity. I am seeking for an international working environment because I’d like my life full of challenges and novelties. People from different culture background enrich my life as well as enhancing my open-mindedness. Secondly, the position you provided just matches my major, which is also my interest. During my time at school, most of my technical experience is on database management and programming, which is just suitable for the position role. I devoted my career to database related work. So it is just perfect.

I believe I am the most suitable one for the position in your company. Firstly, I have a competitive background. As a computer science major, I have an excellent background both academically and practically. I am among the top 20 people in my department with rich experience in database management and relevant experience in marketing, as is written in my CV. Secondly, I am the most motivated and prepared one for the position. As is mentioned in the previous paragraph, I have a strong intention in working in Switzerland. I am proficient in reading, writing and speaking in English which eliminated comprehension and communication obstacles. Moreover, I am independent as well as cooperative in a team. From my CV, you could see that I have rich experience in working in a team and successfully completed my tasks on my own efforts. Last but not least, my arrival would provide your company an incomparable diversity. Born and brought up in an ancient country, China, I have my working and thinking style rather different from people who come from western countries. Your company would work better if I provide my point of view from a different angle.

I have to admit that I have a disadvantage. It is that I don’t speak German. This would be the major problem for me in Switzerland. But I figure it could be easily overcome. I am a young easy-going person and a quick learner. I could spend much of my spare time talking with native speakers and sharing our interest, and it would not take me long to smooth up the language ruffles.


In a word, I believe my experience in your company would be a reciprocal beneficial process. All I need is a chance, an opportunity to exploit and show my potential. Will you be the one that gives me such an opportunity?

Thank you very much for your time and consideration, please DO consider my profile seriously.

Sincerely and Respectfully,

Bright