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Kaito1412kid Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please proofread my thesis =D
Dear Experts,
Hi, I have been wondering whether to use my first thesis format or my second thesis format in making my thesis statement for:
Argumentative essay - What do you think the legal drinking age in your province should be? Give examples (be specific)!
My first format:
In my opinion, the legal drinking age should be 21 years old because by the age of 21: an individual has reached adulthood; an individual has acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decision; and above all, an individual has been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.
My second format
In my opinion, the legal drinking age should be 21 years old because by the age of 21 an individual has reached adulthood, has acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decision, and has been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.
Also, is it grammatically correct to use "an individual has acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decision" ?
On top of that, =) please let me know if I have made some mistakes or if there are better format/sentence structures for this type of essay.
Thanks in advance,
Kaito
Hi, I have been wondering whether to use my first thesis format or my second thesis format in making my thesis statement for:
Argumentative essay - What do you think the legal drinking age in your province should be? Give examples (be specific)!
My first format:
In my opinion, the legal drinking age should be 21 years old because by the age of 21: an individual has reached adulthood; an individual has acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decision; and above all, an individual has been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.
My second format
In my opinion, the legal drinking age should be 21 years old because by the age of 21 an individual has reached adulthood, has acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decision, and has been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.
Also, is it grammatically correct to use "an individual has acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decision" ?
On top of that, =) please let me know if I have made some mistakes or if there are better format/sentence structures for this type of essay.
Thanks in advance,
Kaito
Top answer
Hello Kaito, I like this: In my opinion, the legal drinking age in my province should be 21. B y that age, young people have reached adulthood, have acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decisions , and have been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.
- Hello Kaito, I like this: In my opinion, the legal drinking age in my province should be 21.
- B y that age, young people have reached adulthood, have acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decisions , and have been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.
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4 Answers
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Hello Kaito,
I like this:
In my opinion, the legal drinking age in my province should be 21. By that age, young people have reached adulthood, have acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decisions, and have been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.
I like this:
In my opinion, the legal drinking age in my province should be 21. By that age, young people have reached adulthood, have acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decisions, and have been thoroughly educated about the risks of drinking.
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Thank you Mister Micawber,
Thats a great thesis, thanks again! However, I have one question regarding your thesis.
In my opinion, the legal drinking age in my province should be 21. By that age, young people have reached adulthood, have acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decisions, and have been thoroughly edu
Thats a great thesis, thanks again! However, I have one question regarding your thesis.
In my opinion, the legal drinking age in my province should be 21. By that age, young people have reached adulthood, have acquired a lot of life experience to aid them in making the right decisions, and have been thoroughly edu
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No, that is not 'faulty reference'; it is fine. In my opinion the repetition of the age is faulty style.
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