Please proofread my story

Question

Hello,will someone proofread this for me here what I wrote so far. It a new story.

Don't be Afraid

Do it!Do it! Mr.Black said, from somewhere inside him. "I can't,"he shouted. He
got up from the bed his lights were still on he never like the dark as he staggers
into his bathroom he turns the facuet on splashing the cold water on his face.

Coward let me out. Mr. Black was getting louder. "No," he said weakly taking a
bath towel from the wrack and trying his face. He tried not to look into the bathroom
mirror. As he made his way into the kitchen he took out long,shiny knife from the
cupboard and walked back into the bedroom.

Let me out. I never leave you, this time he couldn't help himself he looked
directly into his dresser mirror,but he saw only him staring back at him his eyes bazes with hate. Mr.Black was screaming. Let me out, let me out. "It not fair,it not fair,"he
whispered in the mirror. A single tear fell down his cheeks. He grasp the knife
tighter in his hand and turn around and look into the blue eyes of a terrified
woman who laid gag and tied on his bed "Is it."

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

Don't be Afraid

"Do it! Do it!" Mr. Black said, from somewhere inside him. "I can't!" he shouted. He got up from the bed while his lights were still on. He recalled how he never liked the dark as he staggered into his bathroom and turned on faucet, splashing cold water on his face.

"Coward let me out!" Mr. Black was getting louder. "No," he said weakly, taking a bath towel from the rack and drying his face. He tried not to look into the bathroom mirror. As he made his way into the kitchen he took out a long, shiny knife from the cupboard and walked back into the bedroom.

"Let me out. I never leave you!" But this time he couldn't help himself. He looked directly into his dresser mirror. He saw only himself staring back with eyes that blazed of pure hatred. Mr. Black was screaming, "Let me out! Let me out! He then whispered softly towards the mirror, "It is not fair, it is not fair." A single tear fell down his cheek. He grasped the knife tighter in his hand and turned around and looked into the blue eyes of a terrified woman who lay gagged and tied on his bed, "Is it?"

cillian4

You will have to go through and note where I made changes.

While you are free to continue writing about these topics (Story), I have no interest in reading or correcting them. This is not censorship, as others might be interested in reading and correcting them, but I am not. If it was the occasional story, fine. But I have no desire to have a steady diet of this type of story.

Hope this helps.

MountainHiker

Matthewg · Answer

Hi Cillian,

Who is he? Please try to be more clear.

"Do it! Do it!" Mr Black shouted, from somewhere inside him. "I can't," he said. He got up from the bed -- the lights were still on as he never liked the dark -- and he staggered into his bathroom to turn on the facuet and splash the cold water on his face.

"Coward let me out!" Mr Black was getting louder. "No," he said weakly, taking a
bath towel from the rack and drying his face. He tried not to look into the bathroom mirror. As he made his way into the kitchen he took out a long, shiny knife from the cupboard and walked back into the bedroom.

Note: Please separate dialogue. What I have written here is my interpration of what you are trying to say.

"Let me out!"
"I'll never leave you."
This time he couldn't help himself: he looked directly into his dresser mirror, but he saw only himself staring back, his eyes ablaze with hate. Mr Black was screaming. "Let me out! let me out! It's not fair! It's not fair," he
whispered in the mirror. A single tear fell down his cheek. He grasped the knife tightly in his hand and turned around to look into the blue eyes of a terrified woman who lay gagged and tied on his bed. "Is it."

Your story might be grammatically correct, but I can't make sense of it.

MountainHiker · Answer

matthewg,

Yeah, I had a tough time understanding it too. Don't care for these type of stories.

MountainHiker

Mike in Japan · Answer

I think this story could use an appearance by Arnold Schwartzenegger right about now!

Guest · Answer

"Do it!Do it!," Mr.Black said, from somewhere inside him. "I can't,"he shouted. He
got up from the bed. His lights were still on he never liked the dark. As he staggered
into his bathroom he turned the faucet on splashing the cold water on his face.

"Coward let me out," Mr. Black was getting louder. "No," he said weakly taking a
bath towel from the rack and drying his face. He tried not to look into the bathroom
mirror. As he made his way into the kitchen he took out long,shiny knife from the
cupboard and walked back into the bedroom.

"Let me out I never leave you," this time he couldn't help himself he looked
directly into his dresser mirror, but he saw only him staring back at him his eyes, blazes with hate. Mr.Black was screaming, "Let me out, let me out." It's not fair...it's not fair,"he
whispered in the mirror. A single tear fell down his cheeks. He grasp the knife
tighter in his hand and turn around and look into the blue eyes of a terrified
woman who laid gag and tied on his bed "Is it?"

~Above is your story and I proofread it for you and please enjoy writing the rest of your story. It sounds very interesting so far.

Please proofread my story

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