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Neo007 Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please proof read my essay
Dear friends,
I am trying to make my Englishe better. Hence, I would be glad to read my essay and tell me what level is it? Also, if you could correct my mistakes it would be nice.
Thank you.
this is my essay:
Do you agree with this statement?
People today spend so much time on personal enjoyment, doing things they like to do, rather than doing things they should do.
Spending time in efficient way is always very important for every individual. People always want to make schedule for their time, so they can use their time for reaching to their important goals. Although many people think that with computers and all fancy stuff on them, now a days, people spend their time more profitably, I think that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment rather than what they should do, and I have two important reasons.
First, with all kinds of available computer games on any devices, people can't concentrate on important issues. Today, different kinds of computer games for different ages or different tastes are available everywhere. For instance, you can play your favorite game on your phone when you are going to work in the morning. You continue to play that game on your computer at work. In the evening, you can, also, paly that game on your own laptop. In this way, you are always distracted from your important tasks. You may be in danger when you play with your phone on the street. You do not do your job right because you are thinking about that game. Moreover, you do not spend quality time with your family because you are playing with your laptop. Furthermore, it is worse for young people. Computer games occupies their time and prevent them from studying. In sum, even though many people enjoy playing computer games, they spend so much time on these games that they can not do what they really should doing.
Second, internet base social networks prevent people to have real life communications. Now a days, there are lots of internet base social networks available in the world like Facebook, Instagram, Googleplus, etc. These social networks make the communication easier with people who are living in long distances from each other. They could know about each other day to day lives through these kinds of networks. Despite all advantages that these networks have, in my opinion, people spend so much time on this networks that they miss real life communication. For example, my aunt, who lives alone, is using lots of these online social networks. Before she was introduced to these networks, she always had been coming to our parties and picnics. However, now she is so much busy with her online friends that she, rarely, join us in real life events. Her psychologist told us that it is not a good situation for her because not having communication with people in real world will make her depress in long time. Online social networks has some advantages and enjoyments but using them so much make people depress.
Finally, I think that today people spend so much time in front of computer rather than doing what is important for them. Computer games and online social networks distract people from their real life. I think people should more invest on their real life rather than on computers.
I am trying to make my Englishe better. Hence, I would be glad to read my essay and tell me what level is it? Also, if you could correct my mistakes it would be nice.
Thank you.
this is my essay:
Do you agree with this statement?
People today spend so much time on personal enjoyment, doing things they like to do, rather than doing things they should do.
Spending time in efficient way is always very important for every individual. People always want to make schedule for their time, so they can use their time for reaching to their important goals. Although many people think that with computers and all fancy stuff on them, now a days, people spend their time more profitably, I think that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment rather than what they should do, and I have two important reasons.
First, with all kinds of available computer games on any devices, people can't concentrate on important issues. Today, different kinds of computer games for different ages or different tastes are available everywhere. For instance, you can play your favorite game on your phone when you are going to work in the morning. You continue to play that game on your computer at work. In the evening, you can, also, paly that game on your own laptop. In this way, you are always distracted from your important tasks. You may be in danger when you play with your phone on the street. You do not do your job right because you are thinking about that game. Moreover, you do not spend quality time with your family because you are playing with your laptop. Furthermore, it is worse for young people. Computer games occupies their time and prevent them from studying. In sum, even though many people enjoy playing computer games, they spend so much time on these games that they can not do what they really should doing.
Second, internet base social networks prevent people to have real life communications. Now a days, there are lots of internet base social networks available in the world like Facebook, Instagram, Googleplus, etc. These social networks make the communication easier with people who are living in long distances from each other. They could know about each other day to day lives through these kinds of networks. Despite all advantages that these networks have, in my opinion, people spend so much time on this networks that they miss real life communication. For example, my aunt, who lives alone, is using lots of these online social networks. Before she was introduced to these networks, she always had been coming to our parties and picnics. However, now she is so much busy with her online friends that she, rarely, join us in real life events. Her psychologist told us that it is not a good situation for her because not having communication with people in real world will make her depress in long time. Online social networks has some advantages and enjoyments but using them so much make people depress.
Finally, I think that today people spend so much time in front of computer rather than doing what is important for them. Computer games and online social networks distract people from their real life. I think people should more invest on their real life rather than on computers.
Top answer
Spending time in an efficient way is always very important for every individual. People always want to often make a schedule for their time, so they can use their time optimally in order to achieve for reaching to their important goals. Although many people think that with computer s, smartphones and the Internet, all fancy stuff on them, no wada y s people spend use their time efficiently, more profitably, I think that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment rather than on what they should be do ing , and I have two important reason s for saying that .
- Spending time in an efficient way is always very important for every individual.
- People always want to often make a schedule for their time, so they can use their time optimally in order to achieve for reaching to their important goals.
- Although many people think that with computer s, smartphones and the Internet, all fancy stuff on them, no wada y s people spend use their time efficiently, more profitably, I think that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment rather than on what they should be do ing , and I have two important reason s for saying that .
- First, with all kinds of available computer games available on any devices, people can't concentrate on important issues.
- Today, different kinds of computer games for different ages or different tastes are available everywhere.
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3 Answers
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Spending time in an efficient way is always very important for every individual. People always want to often make a schedule for their time, so they can use their time optimally in order to achieve for reaching to their important goals. Although many people think that with computers, smartphones and the Intern
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teechr many people thinki don't understand why you remove "people"
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