please please help.....how do I....

Question

Hello,I need to write a letter to family that is formal, and professional looking.  They volunteered me to pay a bill without my knowledge or agreement.  I nee to tell them I won't pay, and why.  I've been looking around the internet, and can't find the right info.  What would a letter like this be called?  Formal or business, and what is the layout I should use?  Please help..I'm going crazy!any tips and info would be greatthankssorry if I'm in the wrong board.Sueann

Clive · Accepted Answer

Hi,

If you are writing a letter to your family, I wouldn't call that 'formal'.

Why don't you draft something and post it here, so that we can offer you comments? Begin by simply thinking about what you would say to these people if you were talking face to face.

Best wishes, Clive

Anonymous · Answer

Hello,

The letter is to family, but it involves money. It doesn't need to be overly formal, but I need to let them know I will not pay the bill. Also I need to have it on record in case they choose take legal action. So it is family, but a very un-family like situation.

I know there loads of mistakes, but I hope you will still help me.

Sueann

This letter concerns bills pertaining to funeral expenses which I received June 2007 and August 2007, and why I will not be paying said bills.

I was thoroughly excluded from participating in any part of my mother’s funeral arrangements. The meeting with the funeral home had been secretly planned in order to do just that.

Decisions were made regarding all aspects of the funeral from flowers, music, speakers, officiators, and meal venues. However hurtful, it was not to be included in these decisions, the exclusion from carrying my mother was cruel. I carried Bob, and started to carry John, but stepped aside to allow Alex to carry his brother. Being a pallbearer for my mother is an honor, and something I would have done willingly, and with great respect.

There was an agenda, one that did not include our mother’s wishes, which in turn devastated my daughter, and myself. My daughter feels guilty that she was not able to do what her grandmother told her and others she wanted. She had no control over the matter.

The Primary Estate Trustee, who had been made aware of our mothers wishes from our mother herself, yet chose to do nothing, and the three who were informed by at least three people who heard our mothers wishes from our mother herself, but were still willing to “fight her for it”, are the ones who should ashamed.

You chose to control, and manipulate every aspect of my mother last days and funeral. You excluded me from attending the meeting, yet eagerly included me to pay. I did not agree to pay, and will not.

My refusal to pay does not mean I love my parents any less. I am at peace with my decision.

The funeral home has been made aware of my decision, and the reasons why.

Clive · Answer

Hi,

Put your address and date in top right corner.

Do you want to say 'Dear . . . . . ' for whoever you are writing to?

I've made a few small changes and comments.

I'm very sorry to read about the distress that you have suffered. I think you are responding in a clear, effective and dignified way.

Clive

This letter concerns bills pertaining to funeral expenses which I received June 2007 and August 2007, and why I will not be paying said bills.

I was thoroughly excluded from participating in any part of my mother’s funeral arrangements. The meeting with the funeral home had been secretly planned in order to do just that.

Decisions were made regarding all aspects of the funeral from flowers, music, speakers, officiators, and meal venues. It was hurtful not to be included in these decisions, but the exclusion from carrying my mother was cruel. I carried Bob, and started to carry John, but stepped aside to allow Alex to carry his brother. Being a pallbearer for my mother would have been an honor, and something I would have done willingly, and with great respect.

There was an agenda, one that did not include our mother’s wishes, which in turn devastated my daughter, and myself. My daughter feels guilty that she was not able to do what her grandmother told her and others she wanted. My daughter had no control over the matter.

The Primary Estate Trustee, who had been made aware of our mothers wishes by our mother herself, chose to do nothing, and the three trustees? people? who were informed by at least three people who heard our mothers wishes from our mother herself, but were still willing to “fight her for it”, are the ones who should ashamed.

You chose to control and manipulate every aspect of my mother's last days and funeral. You excluded me from attending the meeting, yet eagerly included me to pay. I did not agree to pay, and will not.

My refusal to pay does not mean I love my parents any less. I am at peace with my decision.

The funeral home has been made aware of my decision, and the reasons why.

Yours sincerely.

. . .

Anonymous · Answer

Hello,

Thank you!! You helped me out so much. This has been a very hard time for my daughter and I. My mind is all over the place. I can't think straight. I'm just so grateful for your help. It saves me surfing the big wide web...that's enough to drive anyone crazy. I also take comfort in knowing the help I received came from someone who knows their stuff.

I'm sorry to bother you again, but I have one more question. It's about opening, and closing the letter. Are there other ways of starting the letter without using "Dear" ? Also, are there other "formal" ways of closing? You gave me the idea of using "Dear", and "yours sincerely", do you think I should use those words? Do the clash with the purpose or feelings behind the letter? Should I just stick with those to keep it dignified?

Thanks again,

Sueann

Clive · Answer

Hi Sueann,

'Yours sincerely' is really just a standard way of closing. It seems OK to me to use it.

Same thing with 'Dear . . . '. It's just a standard way of starting. Do you want to write to just the person who sent you the bill or asked you to pay? If so, you could say 'Dear Mary,' and send copies of the letter (c.c. Fred, Tom, Jack) to other family members if you want to. Or you could, I suppose, say 'Dear Mary, Fred, Tom and Jack,'. I don't even know if you want to use first names.

Write again, if you want to discuss this more, OK?

Clive

Anonymous · Answer

Hello Clive,

Thanks so much. Let me know what you think. I thought I could send a letter to each sibling...

Sueann Doe

(my address)

Date

"Jane Doe"

(their address)

Dear Jane,

then the letter.

I was thinking I could do that for each of the four people I'll be sending it to. Should I mention I've sent a copy to the other siblings? If so how would I go about doing that?

Is that the right placement for my address, and date? You must think I pretty dumb for not knowing all this stuff. he he

Thanks again

Sueann

Clive · Answer

Hi,

It's OK, except don't put your name above your address. Your name just goes at the bottom of the letter.

It would be easier to simply address the letter to Dear Jane, Tom, Fred and Mary,

But if you want to, you could send 4 letters and just change the name each time. If you do that, you night just add a sentence at the bottom for the others, saying

I have also sent this letter to Tom, Fred and Mary.

You must think I'm pretty dumb for not knowing all this stuff. No, I don't. Dumb people are the ones who don't ask questions.

Clive

please please help.....how do I....

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