PLEASE PLEASE help me editing my college essay.

Hi forumites,
I came to the US only seven years ago and I still have a little difficulty in grammar, word choice, sentence structure and such. I know my writing ability is not strong. So, please help me in give me some inputs/criticisms/editing/w.e on what you guys think and feel the essay needs to be fixed. It's very urgent and I need to give this to my counsoler tomorrow to send to the colleges.

This is a common app essay in this category: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Thanks in advance.

http://members.cox.net/ultimeaciax/Schhhwak.doc.