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Taka Posted 21 years ago
Grammar

please make them natural

A couple of translation of Japanese into English. Please correct the parts where you native speakers feel unnatural or wrong:

(1) Of course, the biography of a politician is about the achievements he or she left and the time he or she lived. But that is not enough. It also has to describe his or her personality vividly, and analyze his ore her life deeply. This is because it is humans that move polotics and make it meaningful, no matter how modern it may become.

(2)Some children say 'I don't even know how to buy a thing in a convenience store.' However, when they play a video game, they visit different towns in the game, talk to the people there, get necessary information effectively, and reach the goal easily. When I see this difference, I realize one thing. That is, although they try something new both in the real world and in a video game, the necessary logic is completely different from each other.

(3) One day on a magic show, I made a mistake and I think some audience saw how the trick was done. And there was a kid on the stage with me. He had been joining the show, and we had enjoyed a little conversation. But when I made the mistake, he suddenly became quiet and behaved as if he hadn't seen anything. And he seemed to be trying to tell me, 'It's just between you and me, so don't worry and relax!' Children are lovely, aren't they?

  

Top answer

I'll try the third one first, though I'm not sure how much leeway I have in translation. : (3) Once while performing magic in a show, I made a mistake, and I thought someone from the audience saw how the trick was done. On the stage with me was a young boy who had been called up to assist me.

— Davkett

  • I'll try the third one first, though I'm not sure how much leeway I have in translation.
  • : (3) Once while performing magic in a show, I made a mistake, and I thought someone from the audience saw how the trick was done.
  • On the stage with me was a young boy who had been called up to assist me.
  • We were engaging in a little conversation when I made the mistake.
  • He suddenly became quiet and acted as if he hadn't seen anything.
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19 Answers
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I'll try the third one first, though I'm not sure how much leeway I have in translation. It's hard to know whether I have changed any of the meaning of the original.:



(3) Once while performing magic in a show, I made a mistake, and I thought someone from the audience saw how the trick was done. On the stage with me was a young boy who h
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Here's an attempt at no.2:

(2)Some children say, “'I don't really know how to buy something in a convenience store.” However, when they play a video game, they visit different towns in the game, talk to the people there, get necessary information effectively, and reach their goals easily. When I think about this contrast, I realize something: trying new things in the real world requires
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Hi,

Here's my version of no. 1.

(1) Of course, the biography of a politician is about the achievements he or she left and the time he or she lived. But that is not enough. It also has to describe his or her personality vividly, and analyze his ore her life deeply. This is because it is humans that move polotics and make it meaningful, no matter how modern i
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Thanks, Clive, for diving in on number 1. Taka's last clause also has puzzled me. Can you, Taka, make another attempt there?
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Do you mean this one?

no matter how modern politics become

That's the only one I cited directly from the sample answers of my book. My translation would be something like 'no matter how modernized their systems have become.' Does it make sense?

About the other parts on which you made corrections, are they minor adoptation so they sounds more
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'About the other parts on which you made corrections, are they minor adoptation so they sounds more natural? Or are they major one because the original is totally werid?'

Fair question, Taka.

I think you could say they are minor changes to make them sound more natural, more fluent.

I'm sure you already know that good translations are not done
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Good.

Thank you, Clive and davkett! (And sorry about the typo---again. It's 'they sound', not 'they sounds'...)

What is 'chemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />>> ', by the way, davkett?
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It's a quirky thing that happens when I do copy/paste from Microsoft Word. The 'thing' doesn't show up in the preview screen. Actually I did both of those rewrite posts on Word first. One of them came out right, the other didn't. I think this subject was discussed in the Help forum earlier. I should try to track it down.

The reason I worked on the two revisions on Word first is that
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OK, I understand.

Thank you!
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Clive(1) Of course, the biography of a politician is about the achievements he (or she) has left and the times in which he lived. But that is not enough. It also has to provide a vivid description of his personality and an in-depth analysis of his life. This is because it is always people who influence politics and make them meaningful.

Hi, Clive. Al
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