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Tom W. Posted 17 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please kindly help me with an essay!
Dear All,
My daughter is in her fourth year of primary school in Beijing, and now she is taking a GESE (-Graded Examinations in Speakers of Other Languages). To take this exam, she need to prepare a short topic before hand and to deliver her speech before the examining teachers on the exam day, when the latter will ask the examinees questions both based-on and not based-on the topic just presented.
In the following is our English topic, prepared by my daughter with my help, and, on which we would highly appreciate any comments, suggestions and even teacher’s instructions from all experts here on the forum.
Thank you all very much in advance!
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Here we go:
Learn to Labour And to Wait
To begin with this sentence by Longfellow, an American poet, because I’m young, I want to be successful, and I hate laziness.
My parents seldom let me do any housework. On weekdays, all they want me to do is: hey Shirley, do your homework and review. And on weekends, they often say: hey Shirley, do your homework and review, then we shall to go to your English class. This is my life! Day after day, week after week…
By and by, I became very impatient and could not wait to everything I wanted. For example, I often say to my father, “Daddy, please give me a drink of water”, and to my mother, “Mom, can you find me the pink jacket and my sports shoes for today”…, and when I said those to them, I wanted them to do it for me immediately since I could not wait.
When I knew that the Harry Potter movie was on in Beijing, I asked my father to get tickets and to go to cinema with me as soon as possible. I could hardly wait for another day!
Finally I saw the movie in the cinema and enjoyed it very much. On our way back that day, my father told me that the seven Harry Potter books were written by a Scottish writer Joanne Rowling, but it took her five years only to finish Book one. So, it’s not that easy for people to get what they want, we need to work, to labor and sometimes to wait, before we can get something we want!
“Yes, I shall learn to do and to wait”.
Maybe I got something more from my father that day.
My daughter is in her fourth year of primary school in Beijing, and now she is taking a GESE (-Graded Examinations in Speakers of Other Languages). To take this exam, she need to prepare a short topic before hand and to deliver her speech before the examining teachers on the exam day, when the latter will ask the examinees questions both based-on and not based-on the topic just presented.
In the following is our English topic, prepared by my daughter with my help, and, on which we would highly appreciate any comments, suggestions and even teacher’s instructions from all experts here on the forum.
Thank you all very much in advance!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here we go:
Learn to Labour And to Wait
To begin with this sentence by Longfellow, an American poet, because I’m young, I want to be successful, and I hate laziness.
My parents seldom let me do any housework. On weekdays, all they want me to do is: hey Shirley, do your homework and review. And on weekends, they often say: hey Shirley, do your homework and review, then we shall to go to your English class. This is my life! Day after day, week after week…
By and by, I became very impatient and could not wait to everything I wanted. For example, I often say to my father, “Daddy, please give me a drink of water”, and to my mother, “Mom, can you find me the pink jacket and my sports shoes for today”…, and when I said those to them, I wanted them to do it for me immediately since I could not wait.
When I knew that the Harry Potter movie was on in Beijing, I asked my father to get tickets and to go to cinema with me as soon as possible. I could hardly wait for another day!
Finally I saw the movie in the cinema and enjoyed it very much. On our way back that day, my father told me that the seven Harry Potter books were written by a Scottish writer Joanne Rowling, but it took her five years only to finish Book one. So, it’s not that easy for people to get what they want, we need to work, to labor and sometimes to wait, before we can get something we want!
“Yes, I shall learn to do and to wait”.
Maybe I got something more from my father that day.
Top answer
My parents seldom (never) let me do any housework. On weekdays, all my parents said to me was ; hey Shirley, do your homework and review. And on weekends, they often say: hey Shirley, do your homework and review, then we shall to go to your English class.
- My parents seldom (never) let me do any housework.
- On weekdays, all my parents said to me was ; hey Shirley, do your homework and review.
- And on weekends, they often say: hey Shirley, do your homework and review, then we shall to go to your English class.
- This is my life!
- Day after day, week after week By and by, I became very impatient and could not wait for everything I wanted.
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8 Answers
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My parents seldom (never) let me do any housework. On weekdays, all my parents said to me was ; hey Shirley, do your homework and review. And on weekends, they often say: hey Shirley, do your homework and review, then we shall to go to your English class. This is my life! Day after day, week after week
By and by, I became very impatient and could not wait for everything I wanted. For exa
By and by, I became very impatient and could not wait for everything I wanted. For exa
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Many thanks dear brnxfemale516!
Could have any comments on the ideas of the essay? Or does it make sense to English speaking audience?
With great thanks again!
Could have any comments on the ideas of the essay? Or does it make sense to English speaking audience?
With great thanks again!
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I like her basic of idea of recognizing that she is impatient and then realizing that "good things come to those who wait" so it's a good theme, but her examples don't support her main theme until she gets to JK Rowling (who was born in England, not Scotland).
I don't see the connection between the lack of housework and the studying and the lack of patience.How does that paint the picture
I don't see the connection between the lack of housework and the studying and the lack of patience.How does that paint the picture
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Thank you so much Barbara!
Thanks for your professional comments, instructions! I enjoyed learning English, and enjoyed your corrections as well.
Recognised that this theme might be, perhaps, a bit earlier for my daughter who's still in her primary school days, we'll think of a new and perhaps a more vivid topic for her current test, and will definitely reserve this theme for her to
Thanks for your professional comments, instructions! I enjoyed learning English, and enjoyed your corrections as well.
Recognised that this theme might be, perhaps, a bit earlier for my daughter who's still in her primary school days, we'll think of a new and perhaps a more vivid topic for her current test, and will definitely reserve this theme for her to
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Tom, I hate to sound like an idiot saying this, but if this is your daughter's project and your daughter's speech, why are you doing all the work for her? It seems like it should be a project that reflects her knowledge, her ideas, and her theme, not her father's. Excuse me if this is rude, but perhaps next time she should be the one posting, rather than you.
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A Ha! Very interesting question! Thanks Barbara! Pls let me explain:
It was very interesting that several weeks ago, to my suprise, I found my daughter (who's 9 years old) was trying to communicate with me in English! She never did this before and neither would I expect that she could do so.
Being encouraged by her broken English, though sometimes totall
It was very interesting that several weeks ago, to my suprise, I found my daughter (who's 9 years old) was trying to communicate with me in English! She never did this before and neither would I expect that she could do so.
Being encouraged by her broken English, though sometimes totall
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That's exiciting that she spontaneously spoke to you in English. Happy walking! (Good metaphor!)
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