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Anonymous Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

please improve my essay

Please could somebody check or improve my essay. my English isn't very good.

thanks.

prompt.- Write a brief biographical sketch about yourself.
Limit your response to 300 words.


I was born in (city), (country), on (month day year). When I was a child, every thing around me caught my curiosity. I always wondered why something happens, or why other thing has a particular shape, and I asked my parents until they got no answers.

I have a very integrated and lovely family. My parents are from (country), they have taught me not only (country) language, but also good moral and traditions. I love listening (country traditional) tales, because they are quite interesting and contain very deep thoughts. From each story I heard, I have learn a lesson for life, to distinguish what is good and what is bad.

In the school, I was specially interested in mathematic, physic and chemistry. Through those subject I could find answers to my childhood’s questions. While other parents force their children to study, my parents made me to have fun, of course, without missing the homework. But for a strange reason, the less pressure gave me my parents, the more responsible I became. I remember once my math teacher gave us 150 equation exercises for homework, and 150 long exercises is too much to finish in just one day, so, I began solving exercises right after I had arrived home. and I have done 135 exercises at midnight. But I still had 15 to finish. In that moment my father asked me: ”Do you need help?”. I answered: “thanks, but I will finish all”, he reply “ Don’t stay too late or you won’t get up on time for school.”. I said “Don’t worry, I’ll set 3 alarms”. So, I kept working until I finished the home work.

As no human is perfect, I also have some defects. One of them is that I’m too perfectionist, I want every thing impeccable. So, I waste too much time planning than doing something. But I am confident that I will transform all my weakness into strength, and looking always to be better than yesterday.
  

Top answer

Here are some notes: everything is one word another thing or other things had no more answers morals listening to have learned in school mathematics, physics those subjects childhood questions make someone have my homework the less my parents pressured me so I after I arrived I did 135 by midnight At that moment he replied stay up more... than always look

  • Here are some notes: everything is one word another thing or other things had no more answers morals listening to have learned in school mathematics, physics those subjects childhood questions make someone have my homework the less my parents pressured me so I after I arrived I did 135 by midnight At that moment he replied stay up more...
  • than always look
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7 Answers
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Here are some notes:

everything is one word
another thing or other things
had no more answers
morals
listening to
have learned
in school
mathematics, physics
those subjects
childhood questions
make someone have

my homework
the less my parents pressured me
so I
after I arrived
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Thank you very much for checking my essay. Could you please give me some suggestion to improve my essay? I am applying for a US college.
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Please fix the basic mistakes first, and post your revision here.
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Hi, here is the fixed essay.

Please some suggestion. Thanks.

I was born in (city), (country), on month day year. When I was a child, everything around me roused my curiosity. I always wondered why something happens, or why other things have a particular shape. And I asked my parents until they had no more answers.

I have a very integrated and lovely family. My parents
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You didn't fix all the points I indicated, but it is better. Please review carefully the list I gave you previously.

The main structural problem with this essay is that the second paragraph is an isolated and out-of-place idea, unrelated to the paragraphs before and after it. I would suggest that you put the second paragraph first (along with the 'birth' sentence), and then writ
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Thank you very much Mister Micawber for your suggestion, I will improve my essay now.
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Here is the edited version.

Please some advice to enhance my essay. Thanks.

My birth took place on -- -- --, in ----, ----. It is my fortune to have an integrated and lovely family. My parents are from ----, they have taught me not only ---- language, but also good morals and traditions. I love listening to ---- traditional tales, from each story I heard; I have learned an impor

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