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Anonymous Posted 13 years ago
Please help with grammar and layout corrections
Hello,
I am writing a poem for my anniversary. I am going to paint the poem onto a canvas, so I want it to be perfect! It is for my girlfriend of 5 years. Please help me out with grammar, layout, and any other suggestions you might have. I have done my best to proofread, but need some more eyes
Thank you for your time.
In a world full of cell phones, concrete and cars,
you show me how beautiful things really are.
From neon signs to crystal clear lakes,
there is no road our adventures won’t take.
Sweet heart, I’m flying when I’m with you,
we are in an old fairy tale where wishes come true.
Here’s to growing up with your best friend;
we will venture on, far past the end.
Where we will go around again,
it’s true,
I will always love you.
I am writing a poem for my anniversary. I am going to paint the poem onto a canvas, so I want it to be perfect! It is for my girlfriend of 5 years. Please help me out with grammar, layout, and any other suggestions you might have. I have done my best to proofread, but need some more eyes
Thank you for your time.In a world full of cell phones, concrete and cars,
you show me how beautiful things really are.
From neon signs to crystal clear lakes,
there is no road our adventures won’t take.
Sweet heart, I’m flying when I’m with you,
we are in an old fairy tale where wishes come true.
Here’s to growing up with your best friend;
we will venture on, far past the end.
Where we will go around again,
it’s true,
I will always love you.
Top answer
Nothing too bad here, but this is very loose as a poem . I am more of a traditionalist. If I were writing in couplets, I would not only use rhyme, I would also at least make the lines of the same length.
- Nothing too bad here, but this is very loose as a poem .
- I am more of a traditionalist.
- If I were writing in couplets, I would not only use rhyme, I would also at least make the lines of the same length.
- In this case, I would go with ten syllables a line since you wobble over and under that number.
- (To make it easier, I would not try to stick to the same rhythm--but anyone can count syllables and see if they add up to ten).
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2 Answers
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Nothing too bad here, but this is very loose as a poem. I am more of a traditionalist. If I were writing in couplets, I would not only use rhyme, I would also at least make the lines of the same length. In this case, I would go with ten syllables a line since you wobble over and under that number. (To make it easier, I would not try to stick to the same rhythm--but anyone can count syll
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