Please help with a Masters Motivation letter - deadline is close

Question

0Hi, please someone could help me with my motivation letter, i just have this, i hope someone could review them while i finished the whole letter (hope to be tomorrow because of the deadline)02br00Thanks in advance,02br00here it goes:02br02br00I am hereby applying  for entrance for the X program at the X in 2007-2008, and also I am applying for an X  Scholarship.02br02br00I have graduated with  high grades from a five year bachelor’s degree in Electronic Engineering from the X University, CITY, COUNTRY. I would like to continue  my graduated studies in a business field, in order to gain applied knowledge  and experiences by academic research in your master’s program, because through this  I find a very interesting way for applying all the technical knowledge I have  acquired working in a technology company or in a personal business.02br00I have worked for one year and a half and actually work in X, CITY, COUNTRY, I have entered in through a Regional Call for new bachelor's with excellent grades and human competences. During my experience I have participated in projects that involves improvement in processes, CRM Systems and Operation and Management of Data and Multimedia Services. This experience make me realized how important are the project management and how it defines in someway the effectiveness of the Company, but most important in this kind of business how can it impact the client who finally consists the factor for making money.02br02br00X is one of the most  important Telco’s company in our country. The project management is one of  the most important and determinat factors in the success of a Company,  especially in this kind of business, because of the high competence and the revolutionary  new technologies for communications and same reasons that force also to be strategic.02br02br00Although I was  raised in CITY, COUNTRY I had the opportunity of living for two years in  the United States of America when I was I child, while my father finished and  earned a MSc. Sanitary Engineering, because this I have learned the language of  English in a natural way, later when I came back to Colombia I listened to an  English teaching program; for these I have very good communication skills even when  I am not a native speaker.02br00I was on the National Team of Synchronized Swimming for six years, on the Regional Team for nine years, I was the swimmer's president for two years and have practice this sport for ten years, I was coach for one year and actually I am in the Regional crew of judges. By this experience  I became very disciplinated and hard worker, but also learned a lot about team work, communication and leadership. Besides, for the concentration's trainings I had to live in other cities for several periods of months since i was 13 years old, wich makes me a very adaptable person.02br00I have chosed especifically this program at X, because ... ( hope to finish very soon)02br00( i guess i have to change the order of the paragraphs but i really appreciate your help in the meanwhile)02br0-

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

0Could anyone help me with this ? this is very important to me, i really need help about it. 0-

Lil&apos; Ruby Rose · Answer

0I am hereby applying for entrance for the X program at the X in 2007-2008, and also I am applying for an X Scholarship.02br
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00I 00graduated00 with high grades from a five year bachelor’s degree in Electronic Engineering 00at00 the X University, CITY, COUNTRY. I would like to continue my 00post-graduate00 studies in a business field, 01font00in order to gain applied knowledge and experiences by academic research in your master’s program, because through this I find a very interesting way for applying all the technical knowledge I have acquired working in a technology company or in a personal business. 02font02br
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00I have worked for one year and a half and currently work in X, CITY, COUNTRY. I have entered in through a Regional Call for new bachelor's with excellent grades and human competences.00 01font00[Hard to work out what this means. Is it a job or an internship or work experience or something? Perhaps: Following a regional campaign seeking new graduates with excellent grades and communication skills, I secured a job for X company. I have been working for X in CITY, COUNTRY for the past year and a half.] 02font00As part of 00my work00 I have participated in projects 00to improve00 processes, CRM Systems and Operation and Management of Data and Multimedia Services. This experience 00has made00 me 00realize00 how important project management 00is;00 how it defines in 00some way00 the effectiveness of the Company, and 00more importantly00 in this kind of business how can it impact the client who finally 00consists the factor for making money01font00.02br
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00X is one of the most important 00Telco’s company00 [01font00Telco is, I think, an abbreviation of telecoms company - I wouldn't repeat company.] 02font00in our country. 00Project00 management is one of the most important and 00determining00 factors in the success of a 00company00, especially in this kind of business, because of the high 00competence00 01font00[wrong word]02font00 and the revolutionary new technologies for communications 00and same reasons that force also to be strategic01font00.[sorry, I don't get what you mean by this]02font02br
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00Although I was raised in CITY, COUNTRY01font00, 02font00I had the opportunity of living for two years in the United States of America when I was I child, while my father 01font00completed a masters degree in02font00 Sanitary Engineering. 00As a result,00 I learned the language of English in a natural way, 00and00 later when I came back to Colombia I 00listened to an English teaching program00 01font00[studied English formally?]. 00 02font00I00 have very good communication skills even 00though00 I am not a native speaker.02br
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00I was on the National Team of Synchronized Swimming for six years, 00and was00 on the Regional Team for nine years00.00 I was the 00Swimmers' President00 for two years and have 00practiced00 this sport for ten years00. I was a coach00 for one year and I am 00now 00 on00 the Regional 00panel00 of judges. 00Thanks to this00 experience, 00I have become a disciplined00 and hard worker, but 00have00 also learned a lot about team work, communication and leadership. 00In addition, during intensive training sessions I have had00 to live in other cities for several months 00at a time 00since00 I00 was 13 years old, 00which has made00 me a very adaptable person.02br
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00I have 00specifically chosen00 this program at X, because ... ( hope to finish very soon)0-

Anonymous · Answer

0thank you very much, i see i have a lot of problems.02br
00I will work hadly to solve them as soon as possible.0-

Anonymous · Answer

0Thanks for the corrections, considering that I had a lot of errors, i re-writed a new version (I would like to know if too long and if it shows enough motivation) :02br
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00I am hereby applying for entrance for the X program at the X in 2007-2008, and also I am applying for an X Scholarship.02br
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00I graduated with excellent grades from a five year bachelor’s degree in Electronic Engineering at the X University, CITY, COUNTRY. Besides of the regular engineering courses, I have also attended business related classes like Project Evaluation, Administration, and Financial Accounting with very high performance in the different courses.02br
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00I feel passionate about engineering and it’s technical aspects, but I have noticed that in the different projects that I have taken a part of that there is an inherent need for coordination and control of it’s technical and administration aspects, that can only be achieved trough a very precise project management in order to have an optimal development thus assuring successful results. 02br
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00In the future I would like to work in a management role, this way I could apply and combine the technical knowledge I have acquired trough my bachelor’s degree with the management knowledge that I would learn in the X program.02br
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00Following a regional campaign seeking new graduates with excellent grades and communication skills, I secured a job for X 01span00company02span00 in CITY, COUNTRY. I been working there for the past year and a half. X is one of the most important Telecommunications group in our country.02br
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00As part of my work I have participated in projects to improve processes in the areas of Client Relations Management (CRM) systems, and operation and management of data and multimedia services. This experience has made me realize that strategic planning is one of the most important and determining factors in the success of a company; especially in the telecommunications sector because of the highly competitive market and the revolutionary and innovative technologies.02br
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00I had the opportunity of living for two years in the 010200 when I was I child while my father completed a masters degree in Sanitary Engineering.00 00As a result I learned english in a natural way and when I came back to 010200 I studied english formally at the X institute continuing the learning process that I began as a child. Besides I have studied german for two and a half years, french for one year and I have learned Spanish as my native language.02br
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00Other of my interests are sports, I practiced synchronized swimming during ten years, in which six of them I was on the National Team and nine on the Regional one. I represented the swimmers in front of the Synchronized Swimming Club for two years and later coached a swimmers team for one year. Actually, I am on the Regional panel of judges. Thanks to this experience I became a disciplined and hard worker and also learned a lot about team work, communication and leadership. In addition during intensive training sessions I had to live in other cities for several months at a time since I was 13 years old, which has made me a very adaptable person.02br
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00I 00made a choice for X program, because the fact of being approved by the Erasmus Mundus Action ensures it’s high quality. Also I choose the program for the excellent reputation of each one of the universities of the consortium, the challenging coursework and the facilities are some of the motivation factors. I would like to learn about other cultures and having the chance to know three different ones over the program makes a great motivation. Besides is very attractive to obtain three internationally recognized degrees, one of each university. The opportunity of obtaining an X Scholarship encouraged me to apply to this professional and life enriching experience.02br
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00I hope that I will have the opportunity to prove my abilities in the MSc program X and look forward to hearing from you in the near future regarding the state of admission.02br
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00Thank you for considering my application.02br
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00Sincerely,02br
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Anonymous · Answer

0since today is my deadline, please could anyone give a final look at it ? 02br
00I'd appreciate very much your comments about it0-

Please help with a Masters Motivation letter - deadline is close

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