Please help to review my IELTS writing test. Thank you so much! (01.16)

Task 1:

The bar charts present the comparison regarding the average house prices between London and the UK in 1995 and 2013, and between the city and other parts in this country in the latter year.

In general, expenses for accommodation in both England and its capital underwent upward trends between 1995 and 2013, with the city also claimed the highest amount over other areas in this country in 2013. In addition, the least expensive houses could be found in North East in that year.

To be more specific, in 1995, it cost about f125,000 for people to own a house in the UK, with an increase to f200,000 in 8 years later. Meanwhile, the average price for real estate in its capital was at f200,000 in 1995 and surged to over f400,000 in 2013, eclipsing the price for England throughout the whole period.

In terms of costliness, houses in London stood at the top of the list in 2013, followed by the costs in South East (f310,000), South West (f260,000) and North West (f200,000). By contrast, the most affordable housing was in Midlands and North, with the average amounts at around f100,000 only.

Task 2:

In this day and age, obesity becomes more prevalent in countries as well as health problems caused from detrimental daily diets so some people opine that the science of food and cooking courses should be supplemented to schooling. Though, some still insist on an opposite view spending time learning important subjects. From my perspective, I am wholly in favor of the former opinion for several reasons.

On the one hand, students need to equip themselves with knowledge in a number of areas in order to be competent in this fast-paced world. Typical essential subjects counted such as mathematics, technology, computer science or space science. These fields are deemed beneficial to them in the future, generally so complicated that learners should be utterly dedicated to acquiring sufficient knowledge. Furthermore, new subjects added to curriculums are likely an onerous burden to students.

On the other hand, young people devoid of physical robustness are absolutely unable to perform well in life. It is crucial for them to take a health-conscious approach to their diet. To do that, they ought to have expertise in nutrients and know how to balance their everyday diets. Consequently, they will maintain not only their good physical conditions but mental conditions. Besides, food science entails the study of food preparation methods that allows them to have a proper way of treating food, like dehydrating or freezing, as well as how to preserve food appropriately to prevent bacterial growth. This, in turns, staves food-related illness off.

In conclusion, in spite of important subjects students should make an effort for, the science of meals and culinary skills are highly recommended in school education for the sake of students.