Please help to review my IELTS essay about Educating children. Thank you.

Some people think that children should obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others believe that children who are controlled very much are not well-prepared for their adult lives. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Educating children is usually a great concern of adults because this will have significant impacts not only on individual families but also the society. While some people think that a good approach to bringing up children is teaching them to always abide by rules and to follow orders from their parents or teachers, I would argue that this should be done in moderation, and children should be allowed to have some freedom to develop qualities and skills for adult lives.

On the one hand, there are some good points of teaching children to obey rules. One of these is that children would grow up with a strong sense of discipline. In other words, they will be likely to follow rules, to conform to established patterns of behaviour. This can help to maintain the order of society. In addition, by being taught to follow rules, children would learn to think about other people, to be more aware of their actions, that is how their actions can affect other people if they break a rule. As a result, children would become sensible adults and be good citizens.

On the other hand, being strictly controlled can be harmful to the development of children. Firstly, too much control can diminish the development of agency among children. They may lose the capacity to decide for themselves because they are used to being told what to do. Secondly, sticking to rules and orders can hinder children from being creative and flexible for they are accustomed to thinking in a linear way, and sticking to routines. Creativity and flexibility are crucial qualities to be successful in a fast changing work environment; thus, without these abilities, children would have difficulties to succeed in adult lives.

In conclusion, although control and rules are advantageous to raising children to a certain extent, I believe that children should not be strictly controlled due to negative impacts this can have on their development and success in the future.