Please help to correct my writing task 2 and suggest for possible score

Task 2. Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

It is obvious fact that older people that are take charge of performing leader or director positions are quite popular. While older people have some vital characteristics that make them succeed at higher positions, I suppose younger generations also have unique qualities to make them advanced at the role of leading people.

First and foremost, being successful leader or director demands high level of performing works as well as ability to manage subsidies that can be found almost in older people. Older managers are skillful and professional because they have experienced their field over a long time, through the failure and achievement. For example, older managers in a commercial company tend to knowledgeable and experienced because they have suffered many failures involve in their business operation, such as competing with strong competitors, handle with decrease in sales. Then, they are usually got approval and recognition of other colleagues that promote them to achieve higher standings at the high age.

On the other hand, I believe that the qualities of advanced leader are not measured only by age, and the younger generations who have high level of knowledge and skill that keep on trend can be a better version of leader than the older ones. For instance, the younger one who perform properly their tasks at the workplace, or succeed in leading other members of the group works might attract attention from their bosses. Besides, younger employees are highly dynamic and motivated than the older generations. They are easily to apply multiple skills, such as IT skill, English language and have high determination to succeed.

In conclusion, the older people can be a professional leader based on the years they stay with the job, but the younger generation can be better version with their essential characteristics.