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Anonymous Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please help to check my motivation letter(fashion brand management)
Dear all,
My name is Candice.
I'm writing a motivation letter for fashion brand management school application. I've been trying to find people to check my context but none of them are available. I have to submit it asap but i still have concerns.
Since I'm not a english speaker, would some one help to correct/ check my grammar and sentences?
I post 2 paragraphs to see if I can get any better( since Im stuck here!!)
*For me, the essential of fashion should possess esthetic concepts. I love to draw since I was little, expectably I got in art training junior high school. I obtained skills of drawing and design and I started to enrich my own beauty concepts since then. I remember my water painting teacher said" Do not just portray the objects , do the creative ones". I realized being outstanding and unique require innovative thinking and fresh angles of beauty to present my own style on creations, which I can anticipate myself to work with the spirit in fashion industry. Because of my great passion on fashion, I tried to be involved in this field by catwalking for my friend on a fashion design tournament and modeling in a hair salon.
I'm active and cheerful, I attended after school activities during my student life time. Moreover, I had occupied team/ class leader for several times. The most special experience among all is being a PR of Graduation Committee in University. We worked together and planned out a few events with other faculties for creating great memories for senior students. I'm caring that I'd always love to participate in social volunteer community service that I had a few experiences including to company elders, English teaching for kids.*
I'd be very appreciated if anyone can point out my inappropriate sentences!!
Candice
My name is Candice.
I'm writing a motivation letter for fashion brand management school application. I've been trying to find people to check my context but none of them are available. I have to submit it asap but i still have concerns.
Since I'm not a english speaker, would some one help to correct/ check my grammar and sentences?
I post 2 paragraphs to see if I can get any better( since Im stuck here!!)
*For me, the essential of fashion should possess esthetic concepts. I love to draw since I was little, expectably I got in art training junior high school. I obtained skills of drawing and design and I started to enrich my own beauty concepts since then. I remember my water painting teacher said" Do not just portray the objects , do the creative ones". I realized being outstanding and unique require innovative thinking and fresh angles of beauty to present my own style on creations, which I can anticipate myself to work with the spirit in fashion industry. Because of my great passion on fashion, I tried to be involved in this field by catwalking for my friend on a fashion design tournament and modeling in a hair salon.
I'm active and cheerful, I attended after school activities during my student life time. Moreover, I had occupied team/ class leader for several times. The most special experience among all is being a PR of Graduation Committee in University. We worked together and planned out a few events with other faculties for creating great memories for senior students. I'm caring that I'd always love to participate in social volunteer community service that I had a few experiences including to company elders, English teaching for kids.*
I'd be very appreciated if anyone can point out my inappropriate sentences!!
Candice
Top answer
Hi Candice, I corrected some of the mistakes in your letter, I hope it is helpful, although I wasn't sure about some parts: For me, the essential of fashion should possess aesthetic concepts. I loved to draw since I was little, and I got art training in junior high school. I obtained the skills of drawing and design and since then I started to enrich my own beauty concepts.
- Hi Candice, I corrected some of the mistakes in your letter, I hope it is helpful, although I wasn't sure about some parts: For me, the essential of fashion should possess aesthetic concepts.
- I loved to draw since I was little, and I got art training in junior high school.
- I obtained the skills of drawing and design and since then I started to enrich my own beauty concepts.
- I remember my water painting teacher said "Do not just portray the objects, draw the creative ones".
- I realized being outstanding and unique requires innovative thinking and fresh angles of beauty to present my own style on creations, and I can anticipate to work with this spirit in fashion industry.
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1 Answers
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Hi Candice, 
I corrected some of the mistakes in your letter, I hope it is helpful, although I wasn't sure about some parts
I corrected some of the mistakes in your letter, I hope it is helpful, although I wasn't sure about some parts
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