Please help review my IELTS Writing Task 2

This is an essay that I've written. Thank you so much for your assistance, I really appreciate that.

Question : In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crime. Why is this happening? How should children or teenagers be punished?

ANSWER :

Juvenile delinquency is emerging as a grave concern globally. From my perspective, this trend stems from two major reasons, and several punishments can be imposed on teenagers as warning measures.

The key driver behind the increasing frequency of crimes committed by children is the lack of attention from parents due to their heavy workloads. The current economic growth has resulted in a surge in job opportunities, enabling numerous citizens to land an occupation. And due to the increasingly demanding nature of the working environment, parents tend to spend longer hours at work, which is proportional to them having less time for their offsprings. Adolescents thus might be led astray and participate in illegal activities without full understanding of the consequences unless they are sufficiently well-educated. Given the busy working schedule of parents these days, it is evident why many children are lured into the criminal path.

In my view, some implementations can be taken to penalize the juveniles depending on the seriousness of their crimes. To begin with, those committing minor crimes, for instance, should be made to participate in unpaid community work such as cleaning the streets or helping the homeless to compensate for their misconduct. Meanwhile, teenagers who are involved in more serious crimes should be sent to juvenile detention facilities so that they can embrace the harsh experience of imprisonment. With appropriate punishments for each type of crime, juvenile criminals will grasp a better understanding of the repercussions of their illegal activities if they repeat them in the future.

In conclusion, the growing number of teenage crimes is rooted in the boom in job opportunities and subsequent lack of parental care for children. Based on the severity of the crimes, proper punishments should be implemented in order to give these children a chance to reform and reintegrate into society as responsible individuals.