Please Help Review My IELTS Writing Task 2?

IN THE PAST, PEOPLE STORED KNOWLEDGE IN BOOKS. NOWADAYS, PEOPLE STORE KNOWLEDGE ON THE INTERNET. DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OF THE DEVELOPMENT OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

With the proliferation of the internet, those who used to save knowledge in printed materials such as books are likely to switch to some online platforms as a surrogate for the conventional means. Though there remain certain drawbacks of this, I opine that they are outweighed by several positives regarding the unhindered access to the wealth of knowledge and less severe back pain.

First, the transition to online storage is inimical to the users’ health. Undoubtedly, as people are supposed to use their phones frequently to learn and search for information, they will be routinely exposed to visually harmful lights from such digital devices. The growing case of myopia in Vietnam perfectly exemplifies this. Indeed, many office workers have to wear glasses because they use computers so often that they consequently experience eyestrain at work. Second, this development may increase the incidence of short attention span. When individuals access their data online containers, their concentration is easily diverted to other entertaining applications, hence undesirable outcomes.

Nonetheless, I aver that these adversary effects are eclipsed by the convenience Internet storage offers. Unarguably, e-storage is immensely conducive to the acquisition of knowledge as people can gain access to information uploaded onto several online platforms promptly and effortlessly. For example, by bringing a personal laptop, people can conduct online research about various subjects simultaneously by typing keywords on some online finding tools such as Google, potentially leading to increased productivity and efficacy. Furthermore, this development also helps solve some back-related issues of teenagers and middle-aged workers when the need to carry paper-printed materials is erased comprehensively. As a result, students and teachers will not be burdened with loads of books on their commutes to school.

In conclusion, notwithstanding some downsides of people’s tendency to save information on the internet namely common shortsightedness and poor concentration span, I still maintain that they are overshadowed by certain benefits such as instant access to information and a healthier spinal column.

Thanks a lot