Please help review my IELTS writing task 2

Task 2: Nowadays, many animal species are becoming extinct. Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem, others believe that human beings are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is true that over the past few years animal extinction has increasingly become a worldwide subject of concern. While some people claim that the focus should be more on people’s welfare, I believe that serious actions also need to be taken into consideration to prevent animals from being on the brink of extinction.

On the one hand, there are a myriad of reasons why human beings in developing countries should be a priority. Firstly, poor nations are still suffering from famine and epidemics because of having limited government budget. If the government’s expenditure is allocated too much to animal conservation, several inhabitants will face a great deal of financial dilemma to make a living. Secondly. the improvement of social welfare policies could be beneficial to the whole society. In fact, such programs are critical to enhance living condition for the poor, resulting in less crime and boosting the economy accordingly. Therefore, many people believe that protecting basic human rights should be the top priorities of these countries.

On the other hand, I admit that it is indispensable for humans to protect endangered wild animals to sustain our ecosystem. Firstly, the red list of threatened species has recently increased, leading to potential ecological crisis people may face as well as harmful impacts on wildlife’s dwelling. For example, rhinos are illegally slaughtered by poachers for their horns, which are falsely supposed to bring medical values and are therefore sold at high price. If such poaching continues to take place, it will inflict tremendous damage on animals’ natural habitats, and rhinos will be dyed out as a result. Thus, strict laws should be implemented to preserve species at risk, and government should deploy environmentally-friendly policies to protect wildlife’s habitats and to create a natural balance in our bio-diversity. Furthermore, to diminish poaching, wildlife safaris can be turned into ecotourism so as to open up job opportunities for local communities to bolster living condition. Consequently, this could bring merits for both residents and diverse ranges of wildlife animals.

In conclusion, I believe that both human’s benefits and the protection of animal extinction have their own validity, both of which should be considered as a vital cornerstone for the development of mankind and the sustainability of animal’s habitat.