Please help review my essay - Writing Task 2 IELTS

Topic: In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

My essay

Smoking should be banned in public places like parks, public transport, restaurants and, museums in many nations. This essay totally agrees with this idea because it could contribute to reduce the rate of suffering health problems caused by smoking and also encourage people to quit smoking.

The primary reason why the government should take some action to prohibit smoking in some public areas is to prevent the harmful effects of some diseases caused by smoking. People who have habits of smoking are likely to suffer some respiratory illnesses such as coughing, headache and, insomnia. This could result in them spending too much money going to hospitals to treat these illnesses and put a strain on the health service. For example, Canadian Medical Organizations found that people who smoked regularly were four times likely to experience lung cancer than people who did not have the habit of smoking.

The second reason is that bringing out some new laws against smoking could contribute to help people kick their smoking habit. The government could charge those addicted to cigarettes a certain amount of money for the act of smoking in public. Therefore, smokers could think carefully before they intend to smoke in public. For instance, in England, a new law has been introduced to charge smokers 50 dollars in any public and this has proven effective when the number of smokers decreased by 20%.

In conclusion, banning smoking in public areas should be encouraged in many countries because it could help men and women in these countries reduce some disease resulted from cigarettes and encourage smokers to kick their smoking habit.

Thank you