Please help proofread my cover letter.

Question

Hi there, I'm preparing to submit my application for what basically amounts to my dream job, so I'm pulling out all of the stops in making sure everything is perfect for when I send it in. My biggest concern right now is my cover letter. I'm pretty happy with it, but I've read it so many times that I'm starting to second guess some the technical aspects of what I've written. I'm especially concerned about my use of commas. I'm never 100% sure that I've used them correctly. So, without further ado, here is my letter:

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September 17, 2010

Dear First Last:

I read on the Texas A&M wildlife job board that you are currently seeking a technician to assist you with your research of bobcats in northwest Montana. I am extremely interested in this position, and I am confident that I would be a positive contribution to your project.

Your posting lists a variety of qualifications that you are seeking from your applicants. The following are a few examples of how I believe I meet these qualifications:

· I have been cross-country skiing most of my life, and my work with the Montana Conservation Corps even required occasional camping and work in winter conditions. To put it simply, I have learned how to work in winter conditions in a manner that is safe and responsible.

· In addition to numerous field exercises in radio telemetry over the past several years, through a course taught at Montana State University I spent a brief period in Yellowstone National Park using radio telemetry to track both wolves and elk for a study for Dr. Robert Garrott. So although my experience with radio telemetry may not be as extensive as some of your other applicants, I am comfortable in utilizing my skills in a professional scenario.

· In the process of obtaining my degree, I took a course on seed plant identification and a course on Rocky Mountain vegetation. As a result, I am familiar with a wide variety of plants found in Montana, and, in the cases where I am unable to recognize a particular species, I am capable of using diagnostic characteristics of plants to look up the species using a dichotomous key.

Ultimately, however, given enough time these are the types of skills and abilities that can be learned. What I have to offer beyond them is a very high level of motivation, dedication, and willingness to learn. When I work on something, whether it is for me or someone else, I give it exceptional care and attention, even to the point where I will dedicate my spare time and effort to be sure I do things right. This is what I have to offer for this position, and I hope that you will consider me for the opportunity to interview for it.

Thank you for both your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

First Last

P.S. I am interested in learning more about this particular project, but I cannot seem to find much information other than some brief summaries. If you have any documents or website links relevant to this project that you would be willing to share with me (especially those pertaining to your study design), I would greatly appreciate it.
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Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

Shorter is better, and don't waffle.

Dear First Last:

The Texas A&M Wildlife job board states that you are currently seeking a technician to assist you with your research on bobcats in northwest Montana. I am extremely interested in this position, and I am confident that I would make a positive contribution to your project.

Your posting lists a variety of qualifications that you are seeking from your applicants. Here are a few examples of how I believe I meet your qualifications:

· I have been cross-country skiing most of my life, and my work with the Montana Conservation Corps required occasional camping and work in winter conditions, so I have learned how to work in such conditions safely and responsibly.
· In addition to numerous field exercises in radio telemetry over the past several years, through a course taught at Montana State University, I spent a brief period in Yellowstone National Park using radio telemetry to track wolves and elk for a study for Dr. Robert Garrott, so I am comfortable in utilizing my telemetry skills in a professional scenario.
· In the process of obtaining my degree, I took courses on seed plant identification and Rocky Mountain vegetation, so I am familiar with many Montana plants, and I am capable of using diagnostic characteristics of plants to identify species using a dichotomous key.

What I have to offer beyond these skills is a very high level of motivation, dedication, and willingness to learn. When I work on a project, whether it is for myself or someone else, I give it exceptional care and attention, and I will dedicate my spare time and effort to be sure I do it right.

This is what I have to offer, and I hope that you will consider me for the opportunity of a personal interview. If I can supply any further information, please contact me at [email address or ?]

Thank you for both your time and your consideration.

Sincerely yours,

First Last

P.S. I am interested in learning more about your project, but I cannot locate information other than brief summaries. If you have any documents or website links relevant to this project that you would be willing to share, especially those pertaining to your study design, I would greatly appreciate it.

Mister Micawber · Answer

On second thought, I would eliminate your PS entirely.  For one thing, PSs reveal poor composition, and for another thing, you should conceal any ignorance at least until the interview. (You should continue your search for information privately, of course.)

Anonymous · Answer

As someone who has written many, many cover letters while I was doing seasonal work and read many letters now that I am hiring, I think your letter looks good. However, a few important changes will make it stand out. Probably too late for this job but good for many others.

1) Tell them why you are interested in working on the project. And mention the science or research question before mentioning how cool the location or study species is. I would hesitate to ever say "dream job" (I know you only wrote that in your description but wanted to caution against putting it in your letter).

2) I agree with the other reviewer that you shouldn't have a PS. However, I would rewrite it as a short paragraph and include it just before your "thank you" line. This shows that your really are interested and would like to know more. Perhaps rephrase to something like, "I have been able to find brief descriptions of the project, however, I am very interested in more information relating to the research questions and job responsibilities. If you have this information readily available I would very much appreciate it." This shows that you really are interested in that specific project.

3) I very much like that you point out your technical skills. I would place job experiences above experience gained in courses. In general experience gained on the job is more thorough than that in a course. However, give a bit more about interpersonal skills, ability to work as a team member and independently, self-motivation, and other skills that will make you an excellent crew member beyond just the technical skills. I would rather hire someone who is hard working, a quick learner, and has common sense without direct experience, than someone who is sluggish and can't take directions even if they have all the technical skills needed. It may not be in this case, but on many field jobs the supervisor lives, or at least spends long hours with the people they hire. You want the person to know that you will be someone who is interesting, dependable, and good to live/ work with. Keep the cover letter to 1 page, but don't be afraid to fill that page.

4) Please take out the "this is what I have to offer". I'm sure that you have more to offer than merely what is written here and you sell yourself short by listing it.

5) Sincerely is enough. Sincerely yours is a bit overboard in my mind.

6) Be careful with how you submit. I would recommend in a PDF unless otherwise specified (that way everyone can open it and there aren't funky format issues happening with different software) and with your name in the title. If applying to multiple jobs make sure that you send the correct cover letter. Sounds simple, but every year I get at least addressed to a different job/ person.

Best of luck.

Please help proofread my cover letter.

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