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Anonymous Posted 7 years ago
Grammar

Please help out

Hi, I'm writing a story where this woman (Lucy) is trying to recover mentally from a car accident she was involved in where another person died. She's scared of driving and scared of harming someone again. I wrote this:


Having entered a wooded area, Lucy nears a deer crossing road sign. Her face tenses as she passes it. She turns on the radio to distract her thoughts.


I want the word choices and all to be perfectly natural and fitting to the context.

Is it written OK? Would you change anything? Can I say "her face tenses" to tell that the deer crossing road sign makes her a bit uncomfortable and nervous? Please help out.

  

Top answer

It is OK, except "distract her thoughts" is a bit awkward. "Distract herself" might be better, or "to drown out the screaming in her mind". "Face tenses" is good.

  • It is OK, except "distract her thoughts" is a bit awkward.
  • "Distract herself" might be better, or "to drown out the screaming in her mind".
  • "Face tenses" is good.
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1 Answers
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It is OK, except "distract her thoughts" is a bit awkward. "Distract herself" might be better, or "to drown out the screaming in her mind". "Face tenses" is good.

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