Please help me with writing task 1! Thanks ^^

Question

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Australia in 2010 and 2015These two pie charts depict how the online sales figures in seven different sectors in Australia changed between 2010 and 2015. Strikingly, the proportions of electronic products, food & beverage, and home furnishings accounted for the majority of online retail sales in both periods, approximately three-quarters.   Looking at the figures, the most popular products purchased on online platforms are electric appliances (27%), followed by home furniture and food & drinks with 22% and 21% respectively. Ranked in the fourth position was video games, which took up almost one-fifth of the total sales this year. Gifts and books are at the bottom of the list, which only constituted a modest percentage of 11%. The order of the list based on sales did not remain over half a decade. Electric products’ sales experienced a slight increase to 33%, at this time it made up for one-third of the 2015 sales. Next, food and home furnishings went through a minor change in proportions thus switched places to each other. Among less popular categories, the most notable point was that the percentage of gift items sold rose to 11% while the video games dropped below half (8%). Books were still the least common products on e-commerce platforms.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

These two pie charts depict how the online sales figures (That is incorrect. A sales figure is expressed in dollars or euros or another currency. There are no "sales figures" on these charts.) in seven different sectors in Australia changed between 2010 and 2015. (What are these sectors?)

~~Strikingly~~, (Tha

~~Strikingly~~, (That is an opinion word.) Overall, the top three sectors ( ~~proportions o~~f electronic products, food & beverage, and home furnishings) accounted for the majority of online retail sales in both periods, approximately three-quarters. (You gave ONE main feature. You need to write two or three of them.)

~~Looking at the figures,~~ (Those are unnecessary words. The reader knows you are looking at these charts. Don't waste words.) the most popular products purchased on online platforms are electric appliances (27%), (When? There are two values - 27% and 33%. You need to give the year with the value.) followed by home furniture and food & drinks with 22% and 21% respectively. Ranked in ~~the~~ fourth position was video games, which took up almost one-fifth of the total sales this year. (WHich year? There are two of them.) Gifts and books are at the bottom of the list, which only constituted a modest percentage of 11%.

The order of the list (There is no list in the figure.) based on sales did not remain over half a decade. Electric products’ sales experienced (wrong word. Only people have experiences.) a slight increase to 33%, ~~at this time it made up for one-third~~ (repetitious, 33% is equal to one-third) of the 2015 sales. Next, food and home furnishings ~~went through a minor change in proportions thus~~ switched places with each other. Among less popular categories, ~~the most notable point was that~~ the percentage of gift items sold rose to 11% while the video games dropped below half (wrong expression. Below half is less than 50%) (8%). Books were still the least common products (wrong expression) on e-commerce platforms.

Sample essay

These two pie charts depict the percentages of online sales for seven different product categories in Australia in 2010 and 2015. The categories are appliances, furnishings, video games, gifts, books and food and beverages.

Overall, the top three categories (appliances, furnishings and food and beverages) represented nearly three-quarters of the sales in both years. Appliances had the highest and books had the lowest percentages in both years.

There were increases in four of the categories, appliances, books, gift items and food and beverages; the others all decreased. Appliances remained the top selling category, going up from 27 to 33%. Food and beverages managed to go up by one percentage point from 21 to 22%, to end in second place, replacing furnishings which fell from 22 to 19%. The most significant changes were for video games, dropping by more than 50% from 19% to 8%, and books, nearly doubling its share, 4% to 7%. Gift items went up marginally, from 7 to 11%.

Please help me with writing task 1! Thanks ^^

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