Please Help Me With This Writing Task 2?

Question

“Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?It is a commonly held belief that the rapid spread of advertising has a detrimental impact on individuals as well as society. While I believe that this growth has made our life easier and benefited us in so many ways, I would argue that it also brings several damaging effects to people from all walks of life.With regards to individuals, the increasing of ads has opened a whole new way for us to get informed about the items we might interest in, even when we live hundreds of feet apart. Before the advertisement, it was not easy to know about the prices or the availability of goods if you lived far from it. Nowadays, all you need is a small device connected to the Internet to surf through boundless ads to get to the best-suit products, place an order and have them delivered to your home. It is clearly a more time-saving and effective way of purchasing than in the past.On the other hand, many problems associated with this trend also arise, one of which is privacy invasion. In order to know about your habits and buying interests so that they can show you the most relevant ads. Lots of technology giants, such as Facebook or Tiktok, covertly record your conversations and information. For example, you may discuss the new clothes with your friend, and a minute or so, your new feed is bombarded with clothes ads. That feeling when you know your information is used without your permission can be really irritating. And companies might share or take advantage of it without your notice. To sum up, although we are offered more choices and flexibility thanks to the development of advertising, we are also negatively affected by it.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Nam Luong · Answer

“Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

It is a commonly held belief that the rapid spread of advertising has a detrimental impact on individuals as well as society. While I believe that this growth has made our life easier and benefited us in so many ways, I would argue that it also brings several damaging effects to people from all walks of life.
With regards to individuals, the increasing of ads has opened a whole new way for us to get informed about the items we might interest in, even when we live hundreds of feet apart. Before the advertisement, it was not easy to know about the prices or the availability of goods if you lived far from it. Nowadays, all you need is a small device connected to the Internet to surf through boundless ads to get to the best-suit products, place an order and have them delivered to your home. It is clearly a more time-saving and effective way of purchasing than in the past.
On the other hand, many problems associated with this trend also arise, one of which is privacy invasion. In order to know about your habits and buying interests so that they can show you the most relevant ads. Lots of technology giants, such as Facebook or Tiktok, covertly record your conversations and information. For example, you may discuss the new clothes with your friend, and a minute or so, your new feed is bombarded with clothes ads. That feeling when you know your information is used without your permission can be really irritating. And companies might share or take advantage of it without your notice.
To sum up, although we are offered more choices and flexibility thanks to the development of advertising, we are also negatively affected by it.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

It is a commonly held belief that the rapid spread of advertising has a detrimental impact on individuals as well as society. (That is not a good opening sentence. The essay statement claims that advertising has become more common. It does not state the opinion of some people on this.) While (Wrong transition - while indicates that you are going to write something agreeing with the previous statement.) I believe that this growth has made our life easier and benefited us in so many ways, I would argue that it also brings several damaging effects to people from all walks of life. (It is not clear what your position is. )

1. In the first sentence, you have to confirm that the essay statement is true, that is, advertising has increased. This is the essay statement: Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life.

For example, this is a good approach to tell the examiner that you understand the topic..

With the popularity of social media and internet websites, people are exposed to many more ads than they used to be.

2. In the next sentence you have to answer the essay prompt: Is it a positive or negative development?
That means that you have to take one side of the argument and argue why you think your opinion is correct. You seem to be writing an advantages/disadvantages essay. That is not the kind of essay that the examiner is expecting.

Your first body paragraph is the advantages or positive aspects.

Your second body paragraph is the disadvantages or negative aspects. Delete this paragraph and add another reason why you think is is good.

You will not get the best score, since you did not give an opinion essay that argues your position.

With regards to individuals, the increasing number of ads has opened a whole new way for us to get informed about the items we might interest (wrong verb form) in, even when we live hundreds of feet apart. (This does not follow logically. What does the distance between our homes have to do with advertising?) Before the advertisement, (Which one are you referring to?) it was not easy to know about the prices or the availability of goods if you lived far from it. (wrong usage. It refers to one particular place, but you have not used any word that refers to a place.) Nowadays, all you need is a small device connected to the Internet to surf through boundless ads to get to the best-suit (wrong word - this is not a legitimate word.) products, place an order and have them delivered to your home. It is clearly a more time-saving and effective way of purchasing than in the past.

(You need to give the next argument why increased advertising is a positive development.)
On the other hand, many problems associated with this trend also arise, one of which is privacy invasion. In order to know about your habits and buying interests so that they can show you the most relevant ads. Lots of technology giants, such as Facebook or Tiktok, covertly record your conversations and information. For example, you may discuss the new clothes with your friend, and a minute or so, your new feed is bombarded with clothes ads. That feeling when you know your information is used without your permission can be really irritating. And companies might share or take advantage of it without your notice.

To sum up, ~~although~~ we are offered more choices and flexibility thanks to the development of advertising and it is a positive development. ~~, we are also negatively affected by it.~~

Please Help Me With This Writing Task 2?

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