PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS TOPIC

Question

Topic: Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this satement.

My essay:

Nowadays, there are many people agrue with each other on whether should reduce taxes for parents of children who attend private schools or not. In my opinion, there should be no financial concession for people who opt for private educaton.

For several reasons, if we have taxes reduced for these people, this will result in the wealthy families have less money to pay than the poorer. As a consequence, it will cause a negative thought in the members of society. And also, every people in the community have responsibillity to contribute to state school through taxes. For example, there are people who use medical services and who do not use it, but there is no difference in the amount of money they have to pay. And the most important thing is that: not only it is wrong to have a tax discount for people who choose private state, but also it will cause difficulty in calculating the exactly the amount of money to pay for these families, and indeed the tax public staff have to manage this complex stage.

Personally, I think the people have to contribute money to state schools. If we pay well for the public schools, it will cause a crucial impacts on the social life. Fisrt, we will have high-qualitied education system and of course well-educated will result in more productive and properous nation. The families who choose the non-public schools will also gain benifits from this too. For example, if they are run a company, they will need a well-qualified work force and the well-funded education systems can provive such employees.

In conclusion, the state schools have the equal oportunities for all young people as eveey one can easily attend these schools. Thus, we all have to be happy to pay our shares of the money for state schools and should not expect any free taxes for those of one who send their children to private schools.

Ps: This my rewrited task from the last one. Did I make it better than the last time teacher?

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hung2003Ps: This my ~~rewrited~~ rewritten task from the last one. Did I make it better than the last time teacher?

Your essay is 327 words, which is a little long, but will not be penalized. You still make many spelling mistakes. You need to be careful of clause structure. You do not use relative clauses correctly.

First paragraph spelling errors:

Nowadays, there are many people agrue with each other on whether should reduce taxes for parents of children who attend private schools or not. In my opinion, there should be no financial concession for people who opt for private educaton.

First paragraph clause and structure errors:

1. [ Nowadays, there are many people ] agrue

This structure is wrong.

"there are many people" is the main clause. The subject of the verb "are" is "people."

But then you put another clause.

"People argue with each other" where "people" is the subject of this verb "argue".

This is wrong. "People cannot be the subject of two different verbs at the same time!!

Have you learned how to write relative clauses? Relative clauses need a relative pronoun to connect the dependent clause to the noun in the main sentence.

Here are the two sentences.

Nowadays, there are many people. These people argue with each other.

Make a relative clause connecting with a relative pronoun:

Nowadays, there are many people ~~These people~~ who argue with each other.

2. There is another problem with the first sentence.

Nowadays, there are many people who argue with each other on whether should reduce taxes on parents of children who attend private schools or not.

Where is the subject of the verb "should reduce"? "Whether is a conjunction. It is not a noun -- a person, place or thing -- so it cannot be a subject. Who or what should reduce taxes?

Nowadays, there are many people who argue with each other on whether the government should reduce taxes for parents of children who attend private schools or not.

If you do not want to specify the subject or "who" reduces taxes, use the passive verb form.

Nowadays, there are many people who argue with each other on whether taxes should be reduced on  parents of children who attend private schools or not.

3. The next change is for better clarity. The last "or not" is too far from "whether" and it could be read "attend or do not attend" private schools.

parents of children who attend private schools or not.

The "or not" should be moved to "whether or not"

The finished sentence without any mistakes is the following. The dependent clauses are in brackets:

Nowadays, there are many people [ who argue with each other on [ whether or not taxes should be reduced on parents of children [who attend private schools.] ] ]

Here are the problems in the rest of the essay.

~~For several reasons,~~ If we have taxes reduced for these people, it ~~this~~ will result in the wealthy families have less money to pay than the poorer. As a consequence, it will cause a negative thought (One thought?) in the members of society. And also, every people in the community have responsibillity to contribute to state school through taxes. For example, there are people who use medical services and who do not use them, but there is no difference in the amount of money they have to pay. And the most important thing is that: not only it is wrong to have a tax discount for people who choose private state, but also it will cause difficulty in calculating the exactly the amount of money to pay for these families, and indeed the tax public staff have to manage this complex stage.

And the most important thing is that not only is it wrong to have a tax discount for people who choose private schools but also it will cause difficulty in calculating the exact amount of money that these families have to pay, and indeed the tax officials will have to manage a complex set of tax laws.

Personally, I think the people have to contribute money to state schools. If we pay well for the public schools, it will cause a crucial impacts on their ~~social~~ lives. Fisrt, we will have high-qualitied education system and of course well-educated will result in a more productive and properous nation. The families who choose the non-public schools will also gain benifits from this ~~too~~. For example, if they are run a company, they will need a well-qualified work force and the well-funded education systems can provive such employees.

In conclusion, the state schools have ~~the~~ equal oportunities for all young people as eveey one can easily attend these schools. Thus, we all have to be happy to pay our shares of the money for state schools and should not expect any free taxes for those of one who send their children to private schools.

PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS TOPIC

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