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Anonymous Posted 6 years ago
Grammar

Please help me with this. Thank you.

Hi. I've written this:


Rachel picks up an orange and starts peeling it. Troy looks at her.

Troy: What are you doing?

Rachel: I just gotta have something to eat before we go.

Troy waits as Rachel peels the rest of the orange. She eats a piece. Then gets up, grabs her coat, and leaves. Troy follows her.


Is the bolded line as you would write it?

Is the whole piece OK or would you make changes?


Thanks a lot for your time.

  

Top answer

anonymous Is the bolded line as you would write it? Yes. anonymous Is the whole piece OK or would you make changes?

— Anonymous

  • anonymous Is the bolded line as you would write it?
  • Yes.
  • anonymous Is the whole piece OK or would you make changes?
  • "Then gets up" is jarring because it is a sentence fragment.
  • "
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1 Answers
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anonymousIs the bolded line as you would write it?

Yes.

anonymousIs the whole piece OK or would you make changes?

"Then gets up" is jarring because it is a sentence fragment. I would write "Then she gets up …."

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