PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS IELTS TASK 2 ESSAY

Question

Some people think the qualities a person needs to become successful in today's world cannot be learned at a university or similar academic institution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?It is believed that people are not able to derive necessary values for success at colleges or educational institutions. This notion is fundamentally justified, as will now be explained.There are two primary reasons why academic institutions cannot give students key lessons to future success. First, since universities are just the small version of society, experience at those places is insufficient for people to prepare for their future. In fact, there could be a limitation in relationships as university learners just spend most of the time with their friends or professors and they have no chance to earn new experience from other people in various occupations. Second, when students learn at colleges, their professors may not have enough time to give them more lessons to become successful. Studying academic subjects takes mostly all of their time and teachers might not be facilitated to share extra experience for learners' future life.Some may argue that tertiary life could help students to have important qualities for future achievements. The logic behind this argument is that many people believe university is the most mature environment in student-life. However, it is vital to consider some situations that learners could face up to outside schools. For example, no one teaches students how to get over after failures in their career. That is a reason why people should have more practical skills from society to succeed. If people try to challenge themselves in this big world, the lessons they receive will be more valuable. Therefore, learning from different social settings is an ideal way to get closer to bright living in the future.In conclusion, the opinion of gaining qualities for success not only from tertiary institutions is justified. Universities cannot give people all essential values due to small-scale and limited amount of time.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

It is believed that people are not able to derive necessary values (wrong word) for success at colleges (University is different from college in the UK) or educational institutions. ~~This notion is fundamentally justified, as will now be explained.~~

You did not ans

You did not answer the essay prompt: To what extent do you agree or disagree? So you will lose points. You must answer with an adverb of degree. Do you know these adverbs?
Also, it is asking for your opinion, and you gave some obscure answer. The more clearly and directly you answer the question, the better you will do.

It is bad form to mention your writing ("as it will be explained") That is quite uninformative.
Write a thesis statement. Take a definite position that the examiner will have no trouble understanding. That is the main point you are going to argue.

For example, here are two different thesis statements for this topic:

I mostly agree with this, since the purpose of university is academic instruction, rather than life lessons that promote success such as leadership, self-confidence and money management. But I do have some reservations.

I do not agree at all. Even though universities mainly focus on textbook knowledge, it is a golden opportunity to live independently, serve as a leader in student government and participate in other extra-curricular activities which will develop all the essential qualities for a very successful career.

There are two primary reasons why academic institutions cannot give students key lessons (Explain to the reader what these lesson are. What are these qualities?) to future success. First, since universities are just the small version of society, experience at those places is insufficient for people to prepare for their future. In fact, there could be a limitation in relationships as university students ~~learners~~ just spend most of the time with their friends or professors and they have no chance to earn ~~new experience~~ (wrong expression. We do earn an experience.) from other people in various occupations. Second, when students learn at colleges, their professors may not have enough time to give them more lessons to become successful. Studying academic subjects takes mostly all of their time and teachers might not be facilitated (wrong word) to share extra experience for learners' future life.

Some may argue that tertiary life (wrong expression) could help students to have important qualities for future achievements. The logic behind this argument is that many people believe university is the most mature environment (wrong expression) in student-life. However, it is vital to consider some situations that learners could face up to (wrong expression) outside schools. For example, no one teaches students how to get over ~~after~~ (wrong expression) failures (Do university students ever get a bad grade or experience failing an exam?) in their career. That is a reason why people should have more practical skills (What are some examples of these skills?) from society to succeed. If people try to challenge themselves in this big world, the lessons they receive will be more valuable. Therefore, learning from different social settings is an ideal way to get closer to bright living (wrong expression) in the future.

In conclusion, the opinion of (Is that your opinion? If so, you need to tell the examiner.) gaining qualities for success not only from ~~tertiary~~ educational institutions is justified. (That is not the topic. Focus directly on the essay topic.) Universities cannot give people all essential values due to small-scale (wrong expression) and limited amount of time.

You will improve your score if you give an example from personal knowledge, rather than writing generalities.

PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS IELTS TASK 2 ESSAY

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