Please help me with this essay about sussess

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People have different questions about what makes an individual successful?. While I accept that luck plays an important role in helping people accomplish their goals, I believe that hard work and persistency are also indepensable factors leading to the achievements of a person.

On the one hand, I agree that luck can be an important factor. Some people were lucky to be born in a wealthy family, which allows them to have better education or to run easily their own business without having to borrow money from someone else. As a result, these people tend to have more career opportunities than other people born in poor families. Furthermore, some individuals are lucky to be given great talents which others don’t have. For instance, Do Nhat Nam was able to speak english and vietnamese fluently as well when he was very young. Furthermore, he got IELTS band 8.0 overall with (9.0 in reading section) when he was twelve years old.
However, I believe that although luck is really necessary, hard-work and persistency are the key to lead person to success. Firstly, people need to work really hard and put energy into their jobs if they want to be successful. For example, before becoming one of the best singers in the world, Adele had to practice singing high notes with the intensive levels. Secondly, people need to persist their decisions to achieve what they want. For instance, when you decide to challenge yourself by quitting your current job to find a well-paid job. Maybe, there are many different opinions whether or not you should quit our job. Success is made from lots of different factors such as: joy, wealth....If people persist what they did choose, they will get one of the factors above to lead them to achieve their goals, that’s why people should keep moving forward to overcome challenges.

In conclusion, while I agree that luck is important in helping people become successful, I believe that hard work and persistency are the indepensable factors.