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Question

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburgh. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words

The line graph gives the information about the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited Edinburgh attractions including aquarium, castle, zoo, festival from 1980 to 2010. We can see that the least popular attraction in 1980 was the zoo but in 2010 the aquarium was the least popular because of the change. The castle and the festival were the favorite attractions in both 1980 and 2010.

During the period from 1980 to 1995 there was a sharp rise in the number of tourists to the castle from 25% to 45% and then it decreased steadily to 30% in 2010. The trend of the aquarium also was similar to the castle, there was a rapid increase from 20% to 35% in 5 years from 1980 and then it went down gradually to less than 10% at the end. The percentage of visitors who visited festival fluctuated slightly but it remained stable at about 25% after 2000. Visitors to the zoo also fluctuated between 10% and 15% then after 2000 increased rapidly at 20% in 2010.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line graph gives the information about (Wrong. It plots these percentages. It does not give information about them.) the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four Edinburgh attractions ( ~~including~~ the aquarium, castle, zoo, (missing word) festival ) from 1980 to 2010. We can see that the least popular attraction in 1980 was the zoo but in 2010 the aquarium was the least popular because of the change. The castle and the festival were the favorite attractions in both 1980 and 2010.

You made the same mistake in paragraphing as you did here:

https://www.englishforums.com/English/PleaseHelpMeWithThisEssay/bnpncb/post.htm

Can you learn from my feedback?

DO not write about the data in the first paragraph:

Paragraph 1: Describe the figure, not the data in the figure.

Paragraph 2: Give the 2-3 most important observations about the data values.

Paragraph 3: Give some more details about the data.

~~We can see that t~~The least popular attraction in 1980 was the zoo but in 2010 the aquarium was the least popular because of the change. (What change? There is not information in the graph about a change. Do not write about things that are not in the figure. Do not draw conclusions or write opinions in Task 1.) The castle and the festival were the favorite attractions in both 1980 and 2010.

Rewriting your paragraph:

The least popular attraction between 1980 and 2005 was the zoo. After 2005, the aquarium was the least popular, having a peak in attendance twenty years earlier. The castle was the most popular after 1985; its peak attendance occurred in 1995. The festival attracted more visitors than the other three in the first two or three years.

During the period from 1980 to 1995 there was a sharp rise in the number of tourists to the castle, from 25% to 45% and then it decreased steadily to 30% in 2010. The pattern of visits to ~~trend of~~ the aquarium also was similar to the castle, (comma splice error) there was a rapid increase from 20% to 35% in the 5 years from 1980 to 1985 and then it went down gradually to less than 10% at the end. The percentage of visitors who visited festival ~~fluctuated~~ varied within the range of 25-30% over the period and ~~slightly but it~~ remained stable at about 25% after 2000. Visitors to the zoo also varied ~~fluctuated~~ between 10% and 15% then after 2000 increased rapidly to at 20% in 2010.

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