Please help me with the bar chart-writing task 1

Question

The Bart chart depicts a general amount of time, measured in billions, people used for making their telephone calls in the UK separated into three different types(local-fixed line, international-fixed line and all mobile calls) between 1995 and 2002

Overall, it’s evident that there was a considerable increase in time used to make for both national and international calls and mobiles over the period shown, whilst the total number of minutes used mostly for local calls remained stable for 7 years.

In 1995, the figure consumed for local calls stood at about 73 billions before there was a slight increase yearly until it reached a peak of 90% in 1999. However, from 1999 onward, this one declined gradually and came back the first number, over 70% in 2002.

By contrast, there were annual increases in time consumed both for national and international calls and for mobiles in 2002, at 60 billions and 45 billions respectively after the total number of minutes of national and international calls started at about 38 billions in 1995 while it could be seen the lowest number of mobiles consumed, at only 3% at the same time.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

Read my advice for Task 1 essays.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/IeltsTaskHintsTipsAdvice/bxgnkx/post.htm

You tend to write sentences that are too long and confusing for the reader.

The Bart (wrong word. Bart is the rapid transit system in San Francisco. It can also be a man's name. ) chart depicts (Not a good word choice. Use "depicts" for maps, illustrations and diagrams.) a general amount of time, (No, it plots minutes, not general time.) measured in billions, people used for making their telephone calls in the UK separated into three different types(local-fixed line, international-fixed line and all mobile calls) between 1995 and 2002 (missing punctuation)

Overall, ~~it’s evident that~~ (There are many issues here. Do not use contractions in essays. Also, "evident" is an opinion word. Do not write opinions in Task 1. FInally, these words an no information. This is explained in my advice post, above.) there was a considerable increase in time used ~~to make~~ for both national and international calls and mobiles over the period shown, whilst the total number of minutes used mostly for local calls remained constant stable (wrong word) for 7 seven years. (Which seven years?)

In 1995, the figure (wrong word ) consumed (wrong word - We do not eat time.) for local calls stood at about 73 billions (wrong form) before there was a slight increase yearly until it reached a peak of 90% in 1999. However, from 1999 onward, ~~this one~~ (wrong word) it declined ~~gradually~~ and returned to the value it originally had. ~~came back the first number~~, over 70% (There are no percentages on the chart. Please explain how you computed 70 percent.) in 2002.

By contrast, there were annual increases in time consumed both for national and international calls and for mobiles in 2002, at 60 billions (wrong form) and 45 billions (wrong form) respectively after the total number of minutes of national and international calls started at about 38 billions (wrong form) in 1995 while it could be seen the lowest number of mobiles consumed, (We do not eat mobile phones.) at only 3% (There are no percentages on the chart. Please explain how you computed 3 percent.) at the same time (missing punctuation) You have written one very long and convoluted sentence for this paragraph. It is not grammatical. Paragraphs need more than one sentence.

Example essay:

Paragraph 1: Describe the figure:

The time-series bar chart compares the total minutes of telephone calls each year in the UK over the eight-year period from 1995 to 2002. The totals are separated out by the type of call: Local (from a fixed line), International / national (from a fixed line) and mobile calls to all destinations.

Paragraph 2: Point out two or three significant points without going into details:

Overall, the total time that people spent on all telephone calls increased over the period by nearly 60%. Local fixed lines always accounted for the largest proportion, with international/national fixed line calls being second and mobile calls third.

Paragraph 3: Focus on some details with particular data values.

The total number of minutes started at 112 billion in 1995, going up to 150 billion in 1999, and ending at 175 billion in 2002. However, the increase was not equally proportioned across all three services; in particular, mobile phones represented less than 5% percent in 1995 and substantially increased their share of the total. The use of local fixed lines for calls peaked in 1998-1999 with close to 90 billion minutes in each of these years. After 1999, the decline in these calls of approximately 20 billion minutes was more than offset by an increase of 30 billion minutes in mobile calls. Fixed-line national / international calls increased linearly at a rate of about 3.2 billion minutes annually throughout this time, starting at 38 and ending at 62 billion minutes.

Please help me with the bar chart-writing task 1

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