Please help me with task 2 Ielts writing

Hi, I'm going to take an Ielts test next week and I'm really confused with my writing. Could you please have a look at my essay and give me some feedbacks? What is the band score that I will probably get with this? Thank you so much in advance!

In these modern days, clothes are not only used as a protection for the body, but also a means to show people's identities and their fashion styles. Because of this, many youngsters invest much time and money in trendy and fashionable garments, which I believe will have adverse impacts on fashion followers themselves and other people in the community.

Admittedly, following fashion trends helps people to gain recognition and praises from others. Wearing a stylish piece of clothing, people can have the opportunity to showcase their in-depth knowledge of fashion and make other people amazed. In this era, when aesthetic values are highly regarded, a trendy shirt or dress can make wearers more attractive and outstanding among other people in all settings.

Nevertheless, the negative effects that this trend brings about undoubtedly outweigh the advantage mentioned. One of the most evident drawbacks of this is that, contrary to the purpose of fashion, slavishly following the trends can make people lose their identity and uniqueness. As most of young people have the tendency to seek a sense of belonging and acceptance from their peers, they may spend a large amount of money on trendy clothes which most of their friends wear, instead of what they truly love. Therefore, fashion trends make young people wear the same kind of clothes and thus, their own styles and preferences can not be shown. In addition, due to some fashion trends, young people may wear inappropriate clothes down the streets or even at formal places like schools. Celebrities, who are usually the ones that set a fashion trend, often wear unusual clothes like a low-necked shirt or short skirts to draw attention from the public. The bombardment of TV shows and videos that show the images of famous people wearing revealing clothes makes young people normalize and wear these kinds of clothing even at formal places. This not only negatively affects cultural values but also puts youngsters at risk of being sexually abused.

In conclusion, while it is reasonable why many young people follow fashion trends nowadays, this is undoubtedly negative to both society and fashion followers.