Please help me with my writing task 1.

Question

The line graph compares the percentage of travellers to England who visited Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier and Festival in Brighton from 1980 to 2010. The units of measure are percentage.

Generally, Pavilion was by far the most visited attractions over the period shown. The percentage of tourists visited Festival remained probably stable during the same period. Pier was travelled by the lowest number of travellers, but rapidly overtook Art Gallerry between 2005 and 2010.

From 1980 to 1985, the percentage of visitors who visited Art Gallery rapidly reached a peak at around 38 percent. Pavilion and Pier, in turn, were visited by 28 percent and 15 percent of tourists to England who visited Brighton attractions. By contrast, the percentage of tourists who visited Festival dropped from 30 percent to 28 percent over a period of 5 years.

By 1995, the percentage of visitors who visited Pavilion significantly hit a high of 48 percent, which has doubled since 1980. There were no changes in the percentage of tourists visitting Art Gallery as well as Pier this year. Whereas, the percentage of travellers who travelled Frestival declined from 30 percent to 28 percent.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line graph compares the percentage of travellers to England who visited Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier and Festival in Brighton from 1980 to 2010. ~~The units of measure are percentage~~. (When you say "percentage of travellers", you have already told the reader the units. Do not repeat this.)

Generally, Pavilion was by far the most visited

Generally, Pavilion was by far the most visited attractions (wrong form) over the period (That is not true. It was only during part of the period.) shown. The percentage of tourists visited Festival (ungrammatical clause structure. Did you learn the lesson on relative clauses? I added it to your previous post. ) . remained probably (wrong word) stable during the same period. Pier was travelled (incorrect..) by the lowest ~~number~~ proportion of travellers, but ~~rapidly~~ overtook Art Gallerry ~~between~~ in 2005 and continued increasing to 2010. ~~and 2010~~. (overtake is an event. It happens at one point in time.)

From 1980 to 1985, the percentage of visitors who visited Art Gallery ~~rapidly~~ reached a peak at around 38 percent. Pavilion and Pier, in turn, were visited by 28 percent and 15 percent of the tourists to England who visited Brighton attractions. By contrast, the percentage of tourists who visited Festival dropped from 30 percent to 28 percent over a this period ~~of 5 years~~.

By In 1995, the percentage of visitors who visited Pavilion ~~significantly~~ hit a high of 48 percent; it had ~~which has~~ doubled since 1980. There were no changes in the percentage of tourists visitting Art Gallery as well as Pier this year. (The graph does not show individual years, so this is incorrect. ) Whereas, the percentage of travellers who travelled to Frestival declined from 30 percent to 28 percent. (That is a fragment, not a sentence.)

You need to cover the entire graph. You wrote a lot about the first five years, and then one more year, 1995.
Here is a sample that covers the entire time range.

The line graph compares the percentage of tourists to England who visited Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier and Festival in Brighton from 1980 to 2010.

Overall, less than half of these tourists came to any of Brighton's attractions; the best year was 1995. Both Pier and Pavilion, had relatively more visitors in 2010 compared to 1980; the other two had less.

In detail, Pavilion attracted more tourists than the others from 1987 through 2010. In 1980, it was in second place, with about 23%, 7% less than first-place Festival and only 1-2% more than Art Gallery. In 1995, 48% came to Pavilion, a peak, but at the end of the period, it had fallen to 30%. Art Gallery also had a peak year, in 1985, when 38% came to see it, but it had a steep decline to end in fourth place at only 8% in 2010. Interest in Pier gradually increased from its low point of 10% in 1980, to more than double, 22%, in 2010. It had surpassed Art Gallery in 2005. Festival was also popular, usually in second place, ranging between 25 and 30%.

Please help me with my writing task 1.

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