Please help me with my writing task 1

Question

You used to notice me avoid using "figures". I know that, but I don't know how to replace it or write in a different way. Please suggest some ways

The given table compares mobile phone companies in terms of their global market share in 2005 and 2006.

Overall, it is immediately evident that all mobile phone manufacturers experienced a downward trend with the exception of Nokia, Motorola, Sony Ericson. Another key feature is that Nokia had the biggest global market share in these years.

In 2005, 32.5% is produced by Nokia in the market share, this figure then rose to just above a third (35%). A similar pattern was seen in Motorola, whose proportion saw a 3.4% growth from 17.7 in 2005. Besides, there was a minimal rise of 1.1 % in the market share of Sonny Ericson.

In contrast, the remaining percentages of the global market share decreased in two years surveyed. By 2016, the market share of Samsung and LG fell 0.9% and 0.4% to 11.8% and 6.3% respectively. Whereas Ben Q mobile’s market share almost halved to 2.4% in 2006, which saw a drop of 3% to 16.2% in the proportion of other manufacturers.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The ~~given~~ table compares six mobile phone companies (wrong words. Phone companies would be AT&T, T-Mobile, Verizon, and other service companies. ) in terms of their global market share in 2005 and 2006.

Overall, ~~it is immediately evident that~~ (That is your opinion. D

Overall, ~~it is immediately evident that~~ (That is your opinion. Do not write opinions in Task 1. Just describe the data.) all mobile phone manufacturers ~~experienced a downward trend~~ (Tables generally do not show trends. There aren't enough data points to establish a trend.) with the exception of Nokia, Motorola, (Missing word) Sony Ericson. ~~Another key feature is that~~ Nokia had the biggest global market share in both ~~these~~ years.

Points I would choose for the "overall" paragraph.

1. Half of the companies listed lost market share; the others gained.
2. Nokia maintained its position as the market leader, and Motorola came in a close second, gaining on Nokia.
3. Among the losers, BenQ Mobile suffered the greatest loss on a percentage basis.
4. The market became more concentrated with the share of the unnamed manufacturers declining by 3 percentage points.

In 2005, 32.5% is (wrong form) produced by Nokia in the market share, this ~~figure~~ (Use "this" as a pronoun to refer to Nokia' percent market share) then rose to just above a third (35%). A similar pattern was seen in Motorola, whose share grew by ~~proportion~~ ~~saw a~~ 3.4% ~~growth~~ (In Task 1, avoid the anthropomorphic verbs "see," "witness" "experience" Shares have no eyes. They can't see anything. The company is composed of people, so you can use anthropomorphic verbs when a person or company is the subject. ) from 17.7 in 2005. Besides, there was a minimal rise of 1.1 % in the market share of Sonny Ericson. (Make sure you copy the names correctly!!!!)

In contrast, the remaining percentages of the global market share decreased in two years surveyed. (How do you know it was a survey? Don't make assumptions in Task 1. ) By 2016, (Where is the data for 2016?) the market share of Samsung and LG fell 0.9% and 0.4% to 11.8% and 6.3% respectively. Whereas Ben Q mobile’s market share almost halved to 2.4% in 2006, which saw (Years cannot see anything.) a drop of 3% to 16.2% in the proportion of other manufacturers.

Please help me with my writing task 1

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