Please help me with my writing ielts task 2 : “Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree?”

Question

Over a period of time, economic growth and the associated improvements depend on technological advance and scientific research. There are some arguments mention that the governments need to be in charge of supervising and implementing research on science. Others argue that private companies have responsible for this issue as well as government. I believe that government is the only institution have the right for activating this issue.

Governments have the responsibility for controlling and involving in all steps of the science research since they maintain the balance of economy and social standard. If companies or people invents a product or finds out a new aspect in life, their invention will be marked as a patent right; therefore, they will sell their products at a high price for those who need and be able to afford it. The consequence for this situation is the total or the social return to research may be exceedly high or low compared to the average economic. In addition, the rich is the only one can use and pay for the invention of a private company, the others can barely afford it. This may lead to a disparities in class or social stratification which will cause undeveloping countries.

The other reason is that there are some fields that may affect directly to the human’s life such as biology and healthcare must be strictly supervised by the governments. If the governments consistently perform poorly in this sphere, the more dangerous will increase in doing harm to human. For example, supposing that in a pandemic, there are many private companies manufacturing vaccines or medicine for curing people, however, these vaccines or medicine are not verified by the competent authorities or governments; that means the process or the quality or elements in the product can cause human reaction badly with the vaccines or medicine. In a long run, these can cause mutation or allergy and have a repercussion in human’s body.

In conclusion, I believe that the government should be the only insitution have the right to conduct a research and supervise it in order to balance the economy and make sure the health of the citizens.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic:

“Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree?”

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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AlpheccaStars · Answer

You wrote over 350 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write 270-290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

~~Over a period of time,~~ Economic growth and the associated improvements depend on technological advances and scientific research. There are some arguments ~~mention~~ that the governments need to be in charge of supervising and ~~implementing~~ conducting research. ~~on science~~. Others argue that private companies have responsible (wrong form) for this issue (wrong word ) as well as government. I believe that government is the only institution have the right (ungrammatical clause structure) for activating this issue. (wrong phrase. Scientific research is not a problem like a pandemic or climate change. )

Governments have the responsibility for controlling ~~and involving in~~ (wrong phrase) all steps of the science research since they maintain the balance of economy and social standards. If companies or people invents (wrong form) a product or finds out a new aspect in life, (I do not understand "aspect of life.") their invention will be ~~marked as a~~ given a patent ~~right~~; therefore, they will sell their products at a high price for those who need them and be are able to afford it them. The consequence for this situation is the total or the social return (Poor English. I do not understand.) to research may be exceedly (wrong word -exceed is a verb.) high or low compared to the average economic. (wrong word. Economic is an adjective. I do not understand your point.) In addition, the rich is are the only ones can use and pay (ungrammatical clause structure) for the invention of a private company, the others can barely afford it. This may lead to a disparities in class or social stratification which will cause undeveloping (not a word. I do not understand "cause countries") countries.

The other reason is that there are some fields that may affect directly to the human’s (wrong form) life such as biology and healthcare must be strictly supervised by the governments. If the governments consistently perform poorly in providing health care ~~this sphere~~, the more dangerous will increase in doing harm (I do not understand this.) to human. (One person?) For example, supposing that in a pandemic, there are many private companies manufacturing vaccines or medicine for curing people, (comma splice error - ungrammatical) however, these vaccines or medicines are not verified by the competent authorities or governments; that means the process or the quality or elements in the product can cause ~~human~~ bad reactions ~~badly with the vaccines or medicine~~. In a the long run, these can cause mutations or allergies ~~and have a repercussion in human’s body.~~

In conclusion, I believe that the government should be the only insitution have the right (ungrammatical clause structure) to conduct a research and supervise it in order to balance the economy and ~~make sure~~ ensure the health of the citizens.

You need to study relative clauses and sentence structure.

Please help me with my writing ielts task 2 : “Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree?”

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