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Anonymous Posted 20 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Please help me with my terrible paragragh ..!!!
I have just written a paragragh about the AIR POLLUTION. I know that it has a lot of mistake, so can anybody please help me check and correct it for me ? Thank you very much, and here is my paragraph :
"Air pollution has two main effects that directly affect our living.
First of all, it causes many disasters in the nature. For example, the
destruction of ozone layer. Because of some air pollutants like CFCs,
the ozone layer is 50% thinner than normal in Antartica. This "hole" of
ozone layer let solar Ultraviolet (UV) through, which may have led to
an increase in Skin cancer. Another disaster that we have suffered that
the Green house effect. The green house effect may make the tempurature
of the Earth higher sothat Icy mountains in two poles will melt rapidly
and certainly the level of coastal water will raise. Moreover, the air
pollution may have many effects on people 's health directly.For
instance,the increasing in percentage of Carbondioxide (CO2) in the air
makes people feel not fresh and not healthy.Besides, some poison gases
may cause irritation of the eyes or coughing. In conclusion, there are
two effects of air pollution that people should care about : reason of
many disasters and injurying people's health. "
"Air pollution has two main effects that directly affect our living.
First of all, it causes many disasters in the nature. For example, the
destruction of ozone layer. Because of some air pollutants like CFCs,
the ozone layer is 50% thinner than normal in Antartica. This "hole" of
ozone layer let solar Ultraviolet (UV) through, which may have led to
an increase in Skin cancer. Another disaster that we have suffered that
the Green house effect. The green house effect may make the tempurature
of the Earth higher sothat Icy mountains in two poles will melt rapidly
and certainly the level of coastal water will raise. Moreover, the air
pollution may have many effects on people 's health directly.For
instance,the increasing in percentage of Carbondioxide (CO2) in the air
makes people feel not fresh and not healthy.Besides, some poison gases
may cause irritation of the eyes or coughing. In conclusion, there are
two effects of air pollution that people should care about : reason of
many disasters and injurying people's health. "
Top answer
I've corrected a few basic errors and pointed out a couple of areas you may wish to amend. It would also work better as two or three paragraphs. "Air pollution has two main effects that directly affect our lives.
- I've corrected a few basic errors and pointed out a couple of areas you may wish to amend.
- It would also work better as two or three paragraphs.
- "Air pollution has two main effects that directly affect our lives.
- ('effects that affect' is poor style, perhaps you should re-write this part).
- First of all, it causes many natural disasters.
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2 Answers
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I've corrected a few basic errors and pointed out a couple of areas you may wish to amend. It would also work better as two or three paragraphs.
"Air pollution has two main effects that directly affect our lives. ('effects that affect' is poor style, perhaps you should re-write this part).
First of all, it causes many natural disasters. For example, the
destruction of ozone layer
"Air pollution has two main effects that directly affect our lives. ('effects that affect' is poor style, perhaps you should re-write this part).
First of all, it causes many natural disasters. For example, the
destruction of ozone layer
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