Please help me with my supporting paragraphs.

I am trying to figure out how exactly each sentence in the supporting paragraph works, so please help me correct as much as you could. Thank you so very much in advance.

------------

Here's the question:

In achieving personal happiness, our relationships with other people (family, friends and colleagues) are more important than anything else. Issues such as work and weath take a second place. Argue in support of this claim.

-------

Here's the essay which includes my own two supporting paragraphs.

The increasing pressures of today's money-driven world can often cause people to gravitate toward material items. But personal happiness can never be achieved through such things as work, success and wealth. Although these thins may be nice 'extras', I strongly support that healthy relationships healthy relationships with family, friends and colleagues are the true secrets to personal happiness. This will be shown by analyzing the often lonely lives of many weathy celebrities as well as the advice of older people who speak from experience.

First, many well-known people with weak relationships feel depressed, many of them even find themselves not worth living. Take some young famous female singers as an example. Many of the times, we heard news of some top selling female artist, who ended her life because of stress or depression. As they are isolated from the real world to avoid distraction and annoying from fans, they have negative emotions from time to time. If this happens constantly, they may suffer from auticism or depression. Thus, it is not a huge fortune or a good career but healthy relationships that are key to personal well-being.

Second, experience from the elderly brings about invaluable advice on how important the role of healthy relationships play in our lives. Recent research into 60,000 old people in the US has shown that maintaining life-long ties to other people help decrease up ro 90% of the chance of getting the Alzheimer's, which has been proved to be mainly caused by the lack of attention from others. This short of care results in the growth of negative emotions in these people who, if this happens regularly and for a long time, will see themselves as the outsider of their family, even their society. These bad feelings make them tend to get absent-minded, which is the main reason for the Alzheimer's when they become older. So to speak, attention from other people, not material things, takes a vital role in maintaining good feelings which may help prevent some mental diseases.

As seen above, weath cannot buy true happiness and this is a realization that all too often comes in old age. It is true, family, friends and colleagues and the relationships formed with them are the genuine catalysts to lasting happiness. Thus, as the old adage holds true: the more love a person gives, the more they get.