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Vong Posted 21 years ago
Letter Writing

Please, help me with my letter

Hi,

I am studying in Denmark. In order to collect primary informtion for my project, I need interviews from danish dealers in MP3-player industry.
I really do not have any idea in making this kind of mail. Am i right?
Thank you!


Dear ,,,

I am studying in the program of International Business Economics, Aalborg University.
I am making my semester project researching the competition in Danish MP3-player industry. Now I am in the processing of information collection. As I know, your company is one of the dealers engaged in MP3-player sales.
I hope to get your support that can help me with my investigation. I imagine that I would need a 30-60 minute interview with your Sales department that could provide me some general information on MP3-player. For example, market experiences depending on the types of player, the new brands in recent years.
If confidentiality of the project and the information used are important to you I can tell you that besides me, only my supervisor who to give me advice during the writing process will read the project.
I am looking forward to your response and thank you in advance.

Best Regards

Vong
  

Top answer

Hello vong, This is not too bad at all! I would just shorten the introductory paragraph a bit as it has a bit too much waffle. How about 'I am conducting research into competition in the Danish MP-3 player industry for my Inernational Business Economics degree at Aalborg University.

  • Hello vong, This is not too bad at all!
  • I would just shorten the introductory paragraph a bit as it has a bit too much waffle.
  • How about 'I am conducting research into competition in the Danish MP-3 player industry for my Inernational Business Economics degree at Aalborg University.
  • I am writing to ask if you would be kind enough to participate in this' Then, be a bit more certain about what you are asking for, you should not have to imagine, you should know - and reassure them that they are not going to be too inconvenienced.
  • 'I would really appreciate a short interview (between 30 and 60 minutes) with your sales department.
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2 Answers
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Hello vong,

This is not too bad at all! I would just shorten the introductory paragraph a bit as it has a bit too much waffle. How about

'I am conducting research into competition in the Danish MP-3 player industry for my Inernational Business Economics degree at Aalborg University. I am writing to ask if you would be kind enough to participate in this'

Then, be a
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Just to add to nona the brit's comments, I would also try to give them something in return. Perhaps you share your project/essay with them upon completion. Put yourself in their shoes, why would you want to divulge any information is there is no benefit?

MountainHiker

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