Please help me with my IELTS writing thank you very much

Topic:

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person.

Why do you think this is the case?

What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person

And this is my writing:

Many research these days have shown that adolescence prefers online communicating methods to see people in real life. This is occurring due to the advancement of the internet community and teenagers’ psychological health. To give teenagers motivation to meet people in person, family’s encouragements are very necessary as well as educating about disadvantages of living unrealistic.
As can be seen, internet society has never been developed as significantly as before. It is believed that social media make an enormous connection to everyone who has joined overseas. This makes the online world attractive and diverse. Moreover, adolescence always has to face many psychological problems and if they spend an inconsequential amount of time will make a bad effection on their mind and feelings. For example, with an enormous time spent online, a significant proportion of teenagers in Japan are now afraid of meeting people in person. This results in dramatic consequences such as unknown deaths, a sharp decrease in the number of children,…etc.
Methods are significantly necessary to deal with these serious situations. Firstly is family care and education. Family always is the basis of someone’s development. Encouragement from loving people can prevent the worst effect of social media. Secondly is the right education from the government and school, this is as important as family. The government should promulgate the right methods to illustrate the way of using the internet correctly. For example, prohibiting people under validate ages to see or watch violent pictures or videos are now applying in most social media and it showing an expected result.
In conclusion, advancements of social media make preference of teenagers about social communicating and this should be prevented by family encouragements as well as government and school help. Not only for teaching a good generation but also for civilization increase.