Please help me with my IELTS Writing Task 2

Hello, can you help me review my essay? Thank you so much, and have a good day, my teachers!

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

TASK

It is common that developed nations donate money to developing countries in purpose of eliminating poverty. Due to the fact that poverty still exists, many people believe that instead of financial aid, richer countries should support those poorer countries in other ways. Personally, I completely agree with this view.

To begin with, the main cause of poverty is not the lack of money but how people in that country spend the money they have. To illustrate this, many people in third world countries who earn barely enough, tend to use their financial aid to handle immediate problems such as paying debt, or just purchasing daily food. In this way, after using up the cash support, those people do not know how to improve their earnings and be back to poverty. Thus, donating money to less developed countries can only help poor people in the short term, rather than solving national poverty.

Furthermore, there are more appropriate methods of alleviating poverty. First, developed nations can help other nations training well-qualified workforce. For example, advanced countries can accept more foreign students from third world nations each year and offer them chances to get full ride scholarships. Those students would become employers equipped with social skills and knowledge in new technology achievements, so they can be able to make enough money to support their family and also save up for future plans. Second, developed countries should open more branches of international companies in less developed countries. In this way, there will be more well-paid jobs, and thus less unemployment. Therefore, the rate of poverty would decrease in those nations.

To conclude, instead of developing countries financially, developed nations should consider other methods such as helping them building workforce, establish international company branches as long-term solutions.(292 words)