Please help me with my ielts task 2, and my ideas too. Thank you

Question

Topic: more and more people in the city live in small space& without outdoor space. Do you think it is a negative or positive development?

Due to the rapid development of technology, the condition has improved significantly in society which result in the overpopulation. Therefore, hundreds of millions of people have no choice but to settle in small space& without outdoor space. In my point of view, this has both advantages and disadvantages.

On one hand, it is appropriate for people having low income. For example, living in Ho Chi Minh city, purchase inexpensive acommodation is extremely difficult even with the most considerable price, especially for immigrants from other provinces. Therefore,to people who have a tight budget, renting or sharing a small room without space is common in HCM city. Despite some difficulties in the convenience, it meets their income when working in HCM city.

On the other hand, it definitely has some problems which may have severe impacts on people ‘s health. To people having less time, doing exercises in their house is a perfect solution to keep their body in shape. But if they lived in tiny accommodations, it wouldn’t be possible to do such activities like stretching body, doing weightlifting, which could result in some diseases like obesity, high cholesterol. Another bad aspect is the privacy, for example, if there were 3 people living together, doing their own works without interfering the others is a dificult problem.

In short, whenever advantages exist, there will always be disadvantages no matter which development it is. Therefore, people have to find the most suitable meet the conditions when settling in small space.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Due to the rapid development of technology, the condition (What condition?) has improved significantly in society which result in the overpopulation. (I don't understand why you say that technology development has caused overpopulation. Overpopulation is caused by a high birth rate. That is, people having very large families over many generations. Overcrowding is when too many people want to live in the same geographical area. )

Therefore, hundreds of millions of people have no choice but to settle in small space& without outdoor space. In my point of view, this has both advantages and disadvantages.

On one hand, it (what?) is appropriate for people having low income. For example, living in Ho Chi Minh city, purchase inexpensive acommodation is extremely difficult even with the most considerable price, (??) especially for immigrants from other provinces. Therefore,to people who have a tight budget, renting or sharing a small room ~~without space~~ is common in HCM city. Despite some difficulties and inconvenience, it (what?) meets their income when working in HCM city.

On the other hand, it definitely has some problems which may have severe impacts on people ‘s health. To people having less time, doing exercises in their house is a perfect solution to keep their body in shape. But if they lived in tiny accommodations, it wouldn’t be possible to do such activities like stretching ~~body~~, ~~doing~~ weightlifting, which could result in some diseases like obesity, (missing word) high cholesterol. Another bad aspect is the privacy, for example, if there were 3 people living together, doing their own works without interfering (missing word) the others is a dificult problem.

In short, whenever advantages exist, there will always be disadvantages no matter which development it is. (?? You did not explain any advantages of having to live in cramped spaces.) Therefore, people have to find the most suitable (missing words) meet the conditions when settling in (missing word) small space.

Please help me with my ielts task 2, and my ideas too. Thank you

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