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Navy Posted 9 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Please help me with my essay writing!

Thanks in advance for correcting my essay! By the way, could you give me a band score for my ielts essay?

Topic: Public celebrations (national days, festivals) are held in many countries. Some people say that these celebrations are a waste of money and we should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree?

National days and festivals are of great importance and are invested a colossal amount of money in many countries. However, some people regard this as extravagant and that money should be effectively spent on other fields. I partly agree with this view as I have some good points to make.

On the one hand, I believe there are several benefits as a positive effect of holding public festivals and this should not constitute a wasteful thing. Firstly, national celebrations are usually marked as the country’s signature milestones and historical backgrounds. For instance, Americans celebrate Independence Day annually as to commemorate the glorious victory and evoke the feeling of pride and pleasure. Secondly, together taking part in these special occasions would establish an intimate connection among humans and strengthen our relationships. Therefore, not only does organizing public events help maintain our cultural values but also require us to cooperate effectively in order to get the greatest mutual enjoyment during those days.

However, devoting too huge an amount of expense to national festivals would at times bring about a lack of money for other aspects of life. In particular, presumably the government saved up the expense needed a year to set off firework in one part of the nation, we could then use the money to partly neutralize the inequalities between the rich and the underpriviledged, which in this case, are healthcare and education as some of the poor still do not have fully access to these kinds of social services. Another constructive way of spending the money spared from festivals is to renovate the traffic system which is now overloaded and improve the residents’ on-street experience.

In conclusion, while to me the nationwide celebrations are highly necessary and should never be discarded as lavish, it seems reasonable that some expenditure should be taken out so as to provide other fields with the things needed.

  
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