Please help me with my essay!

Here is the question:

Some people believe that having a job you enjoy is more important than earning a high salary.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

And this is my answer:

Some people suppose that owning a well-paid job is not as good as a favorite one. I totally agree with this point of view.

You'll work so much more effectively without any reluctant attempts with the work you really enjoy. Firstly, it's like every day you're not only going to work but also find some fun at work which helps you get away from work pressure. Feeling happy might improve your creative ability which is the key factor in success. Secondly, you're doing what you're passionate about, so even though you spend hours a day trying to get it done, you actually don't know you've been making that great effort. At that time you don't care about any thing else but your passion. This obviously impulses your work to success.

Though having a well-paid job is worth what you've been attempting to accomplish, it may cause the feeling of exhaustion. You get a lot of money to provide for your family's needs. However, you may always be under work pressure that you have a lot of work to finish to get that high salary, otherwise you will lose it. Working this way makes you exhausted because of your reluctant attempts. All the time you think that you have to work hard to deserve the high salary. this is the reason why you neglect your family even yourself when you're busy working too much which threatens your life balance. People working this way often anger with their relatives at home for they get stressed at work, which also has a negative effect on their family relationship and their life quality.

In short, I approve the thought of doing what you love is more important than earning a high salary. Every body should enjoys their work instead of looking for a high salary. This doesn't mean you will not get well-paid if you choose to work for your passion. Believe me, if you're consistent enough to pursue your dream job, you will not only get a high salary but a great success.