Please help me with my column?

Could you please help me with my column task!

Basically this task is about the negative representation of teenagers in the media. I.e.. Superficial and stereotypical representation. We must choose an angle and within it we must list 4 negative representations of teens in media (in my case I chose violence and within it I chose, presentation of teens as 1) criminals 2) alcohol hoons 3) drug abusers 4)relationship abuser. We must then reflect/ give our opinion/ inform/ interest/ entertain provide background info. to each perception. And then we must debunk each perception (i.e. what is the reality, by referring to specific text?)

When I spoke with my teacher she said that I need to:

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> Fix my grammar, vocabulary, construction of sentences and expression should be flawless.
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> Fix the conclusion: to include things like anecdotes, rhetorical questions (to make the reader think after finishing the article) or quote.
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> Need more of “Jumping- at-the reader” sentences / phrases (to make an interaction with the reader) and those that criticize a particular text, for example, phrases such as “get real!” (see how I used it in the articles). I need more of these.
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> Include some informal language (mine is mostly formal).
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> when possible, to improve the complexity of the sentence while still making it easy for the reader to understand “especially that my audience are teens, teachers and parents”
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> Improve on using devices of persuasion.

Please feel free to give me suggestions on any other aspect in column writing.

Here it is:

The Real Culprit: Teens or the Media?

“Exclusive . . . The Shocking Truth! Did You Know? Many Young People Have Never Shot Anybody!” L.A. Youth newspaper headline reports. This is like saying, “I'm trying to imagine teens with a humanity!”

How would you feel if you were being “torn to pieces” by the media?

Well, to me, this question could not be more aptly asked of any group than of our teens, who constantly struggle to be portrayed in a positive light by the media.

As most of us know, the media has a remarkable influence in shaping the perspective of society, as well as public perception of particular groups. Unfortunately, instead of encouraging and promoting the optimistic side of our youth: the fruits for the future and tomorrow’s team leaders and trailblasers, the image of our teens engaged in anti-social activity, violent outbursts and crime, as well as drug, alcohol and sexual abuse, has been the favourite of the press.

Catastrophically, what most of us do not know is that, “most forms of the media mask the truth”. They do not mirror reality, but rather express unfair and inaccurate interpretation of teenagers. They often represent them in an exaggerated and negative manner, stereotyping them especially as violent, promiscuous and rebellious young people.

It MUST be clear that for many years now, the portrayal of teenagers in the media as being criminals and troublemakers who have little respect for society and its values have been unwarrantably inflated. Just recently, the NSW Parliament Legislative Standing Committee on Social Issues concluded that “...while a number of gangs involving young people do exist, their number and prevalence is greatly exaggerated by the media”.

Furthermore, polls conducted in America in 2008 showed that American adults believe that the adolescent are responsible for 43 percent of violent crimes in the United States, while statistics show that young people are only responsible for 13 percent of such crimes. This distorted view is thanks to the media!

It appears as though displaying teenagers as culprits was not satisfying for the media, so “drug abusers” was the next term assigned. Although drug abuse affects a fraction of our teens, it is not increasing or “epidemic” as the media proposes. Reports and newspapers that frequently engrave images of our youth as being lost in the world of “substance abuse”, are often exaggerated and unjust. “In reality, the problem is declining. At the end of 2001, more than 1 in 10 teens admitted to using Ecstasy on a regular basis. Over time, with a perceived risk of losing their friends and when the extreme dangers of Ecstasy became known, Ecstasy use had decreased. By the end of 2005, the numbers had plummeted to only four per cent and the downward trend continues to this day. “Young people are more intelligent than we often give them credit for being”, said a journalist from ASK (Adolescent Substance abuse Knowledge base) organisation in a 2006 interview.

To me, the fact that stands out most obviously is that the media should realise that our kids, nowadays, are actually becoming more stable and less susceptible to addiction due to the general increase in the quality of child rearing, life, as well as public awareness, especially when parental involvement plays a vital role.

The next concern that I have would be associating “horrendous” headlines such as “binge drinkers” and “alcoholic hoons” with our youth. Movies such as Sarah T. - Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic, American Pie and Mean Girls all screen college students as serious drinkers, but the question we should be asking is: “is this the case honestly?“

Research found that College students drink less than generally though.
For instance in 2009 researchers at the University of North Carolina who used breathalysers after traditional party nights of Thursday, Friday and Saturday, found that 66% of the students returned home with absolutely no blood alcohol content. That is to say, “two of every three” students had not a trace of alcohol in their systems at the end of party nights!

It is important to note that the alarming alcohol abuse numbers published in the media come from tiny subsamples of teens, not the entire teen population as a whole. As a result, the validity of these studies is in great doubt and could well be incorrect; the possibility that they could be distorted or biased to make them look sensational is very real.

In a similar vein, countless media reports of all types, from the Associated Press (4/4/91) to Psychology Today (5/92), continue to report that the number of teenagers involved in abusive relationships is “increasing” to “staggering” levels. But is it really?
In 2005, the Bureau of Justice Statistics’ Intimate Partner Violence report found that 2.1% of students ages 12-19 experienced any form of physical violence (murder, simple assault, aggravated assault, rape, robbery, or sexual assault) from an intimate partner (a spouse, ex-spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, same-sex partner).

Additionally, a survey commissioned in 2008 by Liz Claiborne, Inc., a fashion corporation that markets dating abuse programs, found that of the 1,043 students age 11-14 surveyed, only 2% reported ever having had a partner “hit, slap, punch, choke, or kick” them and 1% reported having been pressured into sexual activity. Whether these statistics duplicated the figures reported for those physically abused is not shown.

These seemingly calming trends and numbers have not moderated program advocates’ alarms. Instead, program advocates now overbroad definitions to make their little stories sound convincing to the public. Normal, occasional disagreements and inharmonious feelings are considered by the media to constitute “abuse” while a relationship is only considered healthy when it is always blissful! Get real!
Moreover, during surveys, guesses by respondents about what others “your age” are experiencing can be inflated by one case known to many students by gossip and rumours.

I believe that the ability of the media to report positively on young people celebrating their achievements and goals whilst still meeting their key aim of reporting accurately and fairly is a major factor that strongly places their so called “rational picture!” under great suspicion.

In summary, the substantial evidence shows the severe contradiction to how the media is presenting us as.

“Are you a criminal drunken alcoholic drug abuser?” sure NOT!

We don’t ask the media for more than presenting the reality! The facts! The absolute truth!