Please help me with IELTS writing task 2

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Thank you!

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Good evening Mods,

Please help me to correct this essay and predict its score if you can. Thank you!

Test question: Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities.

Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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My essay:

People have different views about the happiest time in one's life. While some people believe that adolescent state is the happiest time, others argue that being an adult has more happiness, despite high responsibilities. In my opinion, adult life is the happiest time in people’s lives.

On the one hand, being a teenager has some advantages. First, teenagers bear no financial responsibilities because they still live at home. Thus, there is no need to worry about money. Having no financial responsibilities also means that adolescents can enjoy their free time in the fullest. However, living at home means that teenagers can not do whatever they want because their parents might be strict. Moreover, juveniles are mostly financially dependent on their parents as they do not have a full-time job. Furthermore, some schools required students to finish a lot of homework, so they do not have much spare time.

Admittedly, adult life has some drawbacks. First, adults have great responsibilities as they need to work in order to afford their lives. Second, some grown-up people do not have a lot of leisure time since they sometimes have to work overtime. Nevertheless, the benefits of being an adult can outweigh any drawbacks since they are financially independent. Therefore, they can buy anything they want or travel anywhere they like. In addition, most of the adults already moved out so they do not need to ask for parents' permission. Instead, they are in charge of their own lives from small aspects, for example, decorating their own house, partying late to big decisions as getting married.

To sum up, I am convinced that being an adult is the happiest time in people’s lives due to being financially independent and having the power to decide in their own lives.

Thank you and have a great day/ night!