Please help me with IELTS Writing Task 2
Hello Mods,
Please help me to correct this essay and predict its score if you can. Thank you!
Test question: Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
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My essay:
Fame has an impact on someone who achieves it. While some people believe that having fame gains them rewards, others argue that being famous has more disadvantages. In my opinion, celebrities suffer with the drawbacks of being famous more than the benefits of it bringing.
On the one hand, being famous has some significant rewards. First, celebrities do not face with financial problems because fame helps those famous people to gain a lot of money through receiving endorsements, attending events or being influencers for famous brands on social media. Thus, being famous helps celebrities to achieve financial freedom. In addition, having influence attracts publicity which helps to make celebrities' voice and opinions stronger and more appreciated. As a result, fame brings celebrities financial benefits and great influence.
On the other hand, having fame has more issues than advantages. Admittedly, despite having a lot of money, a celebrity’s needs are also costly including enhancing their physical appearance, having security or paying for expensive transportation as they usually have to travel so far for work. Furthermore, having a lot of attention means that celebrities are followed by paparazzi everywhere. In other words, celebrities can not do whatever they want as eating at a restaurant, shopping at a mall or having a freedom of speech. Therefore, being famous means having no private life.
To conclude, I believe that being famous has more issues than rewards. Although having financial benefits and good influence, celebrities have to pay a high personal price including spending a lot of money for their needs as well as having no private life.
Thank you for your time! Have a nice day!
Top answer
Fame has an impact on someone who achieves it. While some people believe that having fame gains them rewards, others argue that being famous has more disadvantages. In my opinion, celebrities suffer from with the drawbacks of being famous more than the y gain from the benefits of it bringing .
- Fame has an impact on someone who achieves it.
- While some people believe that having fame gains them rewards, others argue that being famous has more disadvantages.
- In my opinion, celebrities suffer from with the drawbacks of being famous more than the y gain from the benefits of it bringing .
- (Ungrammatical) On the one hand, being famous has some significant rewards.
- First, celebrities do not face with financial problems because fame helps them those famous people to gain a lot of money through receiving endorsements, attending events or advertising being influencers for famous (repetitive.
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Fame has an impact on someone who achieves it. While some people believe that having fame gains them rewards, others argue that being famous has more disadvantages. In my opinion, celebrities suffer from with the drawbacks of being famous more than they gain from the benefits of it bringing
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