Please help me with IELTS Writing Task 2

I posted this essay once but I haven't receiveded feedback yet (and I really understand that.) So I reposted it. I hope I can get feedback for this. Thank you

Hi everyone, please help me to correct my IELTS Task 2! I would appriciate any help. Thank you!

Test question: Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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My essay:

Taking a gap year between highschool and university is popular in some countries nowadays. While some students pursue higher education after highschool, others defer university enrollment to travel or work. In my opinion, the advantages of this trend far outweigh any drawbacks.

Having a break between highschool and university has some significant disadvantages. First, it is expensive because gap-year takers have to pay for flights, accommodations and other needs if they want to travel. Thus, not everyone can afford this. In addition, taking a year-long break increases a risk of dropping out of college. This happens because those students might fall behind in studying after being away from formal schooling for a long time. Then it leads students to lose momentum and, stop studying as a result.

However, those problems can generally be resolved. Although traveling may cost a lot of money, students can have a part-time or full-time job to meet their needs. That not only provides a source of income but also helps those students gain invaluable experiences and hone practical skills needed for their future career which they can not develop in academic schools. In addition, senior high school students often make ignorant career choices. This happens because they usually embark on colleges at eighteen years old and at that age, they are so young to know what they want to do in terms of career. Therefore, traveling and working to help understand more about themselves before choosing a major is going to benefit students.

To conclude, I believe the rewards of such an experience make up for any disadvantages. Although delaying tertiary education for one year to work or travel can be expensive and increase a risk of dropping out of school, those who can overcome these will enrich their experiences and not regret about their career choices later on.